Being in deep despair in not a good place to be in. Even as i am writing this, for some reason i am crying my eyes out. I am depressed at the moment and am undergoing a medication change but things are getting worse. All i can think about at the moment is my wife who died in october 2007 and how i really want to join up with her once again. i suffer also with Seasonal Affective Disorder and with it being winter it doesn't help one bit. The tough thing is, i work in mental health sevices and because of this i feel i can't turn to anyone for help. i am getting alittle councelling but i feel that confidentiality would not be kept as i know how people gossip. i have been off work now since september 2009. the way i feel tonight i just want tonight to be my last. i'm not being sefish it's just how i feel at this very moment