Deep down, I want her to know?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by beautiful_disaster, Feb 23, 2008.

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  1. I've noticed something lately, and I think deep down, I really want my mom to notice my cutting, and get me help for my depression/anger/SHing.

    First I noticed it when I was done cutting and then thought "I'm not going to cover them up" so I've been walking around all day with absolutely nothing covering my arm, just trying to hide them from view when I talk to people.
    Then I was talking to my mom in her room, she was sitting down, and I leaned forward with my totally scared up bare arm RIGHT in her face to grab her lotion that I didn't even want. It was a 100% involuntary move, it just "happened". She didn't see, though. For a split second when I was in the middle of doing it, I felt panicked..and then when it was over and she didn't even notice, I felt disappointed for a minute.

    :mellow: guess my subconscience is getting tired of this.

    have any of you ever done something like that, without thinking about it? or almost WANTED someone to know, so they'd help you?
  2. austinhp78

    austinhp78 Well-Known Member

    oh, absolutely. all i want is someone to notice and to help. that would be AMAZING!

    but... i'm too scared to reveal the truth. i dont want to deal with the after effects of them finding out yet all i want is for them to notice.

    i think that what your experiencing is totally normal and its a good thing that you willing to not cover them up :smile:
  3. taranama

    taranama Well-Known Member

    i did...and it took about a week of "flashing" for him to finally see it...he knows i cut, and he knows i'm trying to stop, but i had a really bad relapse and cut my poor arm to pieces.. i'm seeing a counselor, but i'm not sure thats working out.. i spend my days covering up, i'm always buying things to wear that'll cover it..but when we get home, and ready for bed, i always wear sleeveless tops and parade around for about a half an hour, hoping he'll notice... a week later, when we were a little stoned he said "vick....your arm....what happened?" and i said "that was about a week ago, and that *points at another part of my arm* that was friday.." he didn't take it too well...we sent the whole day together on friday, and it was his fault i cut..he was broke up, but we had a little hug and now he does "spot checks"..he's only trying to help i suppose..

    and, i thought my dad didn't know, i don't really care if he knows or not, but he does, he knew before christmas. so you never know, she might know, and just doesn't know what to do about it?

    but if she's the kind of mother who would drop the proverbial "bollock" if she knew, just keep persevering! i'm sure its only a matter of time before she sees!


    sorry for going on....
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    You could always just walk up to her, and have her find out that way.

    I didn't have a choice on whether or not my parents saw mine, my mom had her suspicions, grabbed my arm, and forced me to let her look at it..:dunno:
  5. psycho8

    psycho8 Well-Known Member

    I don't want anyone to know about my cutting but i have found that sometimes i subconciously try to flash my cuts at my best mate she did see one of my first cuts but i quickly pretended i had just scratched it. I also alway bring our conversations onto the topic of self harming but then just stop talking til were off the subject again:unsure:
  6. lol yeah that is her. She'd have confronted me about it right away, if she knew.

    It's so confusing. I really want her to know, and I really DON'T want her to know. Right now things of course aren't perfect, but the depression and SHing - it's all I've known for years now, and what I've turned to when I am upset. I am scared to leave that behind and STOP doing that, and am scared to delve into the reasons why I do it.
    Lifes hard choices.

    I did that for a while!
  7. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    o man. i can relate to what you're saying. i sometimes wish some people at school would see so i would really think they would care for me.

    yet at the same time i'm terrified of what all that would entail.

    i don't want their sympathy. i just want to really feel cared for.
  8. Eztral

    Eztral Member

    I did the same thing, kinda passivly trying to show people close to me,
    my mom noticed and told me;

    "you should stop that, it will look stupid when you get older" ^^
  9. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    i have my cuts. they are nothing to my family.
  10. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    The general idea of self-harm, from my experience, is a cry for help. At least, that's why I do it. If you want help, it might be a good idea to tell your mother, if she really loves you and cares about you I'm sure she'll be able to get you some help.
  11. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    World's pretty screwed that way, isn't it?

    I didn't even know I wanted some one to know (couldn't even think of a reason why ANYONE would want some one to know this kind of thing), up till the moment I was showing her.

    She had asked a simple question, which I could've answered in several methods, but the one I chose was to pull up my sleeve. Smart, right?

    Anyways, if you know the person will care for you about it (and you've hit that top end where you can't stand the secrets anymore) I would fully support finding a time to tell that person (in a safe manner, of course). She was integral to helping me stop.

    Even though I may end up smashing that promise to pieces, but that's a different thread.
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