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Deepening inferiority complex

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by socrates, Mar 5, 2011.

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  1. socrates

    socrates New Member

    Just an intro.

    I actually come from Asia, but I have no where else to turn to... I figured that I was a human, so humans can give humans advice.

    I'm a pretty anti-social person, who didn't excel in anything else but my studies, but recently my A level result release took a deathblow to whatever was left in my ego.

    I know, I'm someone who really takes intelligence/achievements as something very, very important. I don't have any real/best/close friends, I don't do well in anything else in school, and what I solely had was just my academic achievement. I wanted to be a doctor, and I sincerely believed in my ability to do so.

    However, it all crashed down in one day. It might sound a bit immature here, and I've even tried consoling myself that I would climb up one day, but it seems that I can't seem to convince myself. I'm sinking and spiralling down into an inferiority complex. I've blocked everyone from my MSN contacts, dared not appear on Facebook chat, dared not update it and so...

    My "closest" friend received straight As, and I got straight Bs. I was so happy for him, I congratulated him, I cheered for him, but I got nothing but silence in reply. I tried once, twice, and eventually I came to the conclusion that he wasn't a real friend afterall. The days where we shared interests, even had telepathy... were all fake?

    I guess everything just conglomerated together, and I can't seem to plumber the broken pipes. I'm in a deep quandary now, and all these negative emotions are dragging me down into the pits of hell. I can't climb out

    Someone, or God, please help me!!!

    Smack me awake from this delusional pain, stop myself from tearing myself up!!! I just don't know what I would do........
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i hear you suffering i just want to let you know MARKS are not what it takes to become a great doctor or healer of any kind It is compassion insight yes knowledge but that is not the most important aspect of being a doctor. There are doctors out there that are so book wise but don't have a clue how to care for their patients. The heal the physical aspect without dealing with the emotional mental well being . You will have that ability now to help the pt as a whole person because you now understand how one can suffer inside. You will make a great doctor okay don't let the marks determine your status okay hugs
    congratulations on receiveing such excellent marks hugs to you
  3. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I feel exactly the same, only not over exam results. I'm usually too frightened to update my facebook status, barely go on MSN anymore - let alone talk to people all that much when I am on there, have facebook chat turned off at all times.. I just feel very very inferior to everybody else whenever I'm talking one-on-one with someone, but when it comes to thinking of humanity overall, I feel superior, in some ways.

    Can't really give much advice other than that I feel the same and you're not entirely alone in this regard, so if you ever need to talk about it (stupid I know since we'd probably only feel inferior to eachother) then my PM box is wide open to you.

    Hope you get through this, and as a side note, B's are good grades too!! I got all C's and D's in my A levels!
  4. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, some Asian parents are not at all good at parenting. Ever heard of tiger mom? She's a real B*. Most Asian students lack social skills because most Asian parents demand excellence in their childrens school grades and so Asian kids are spent studying than working on social skills with their friends.

    Don't let grades affect you. You get all Bs... thats better than so many people out there who stuggle to get Bs... And they get all Cs or Ds and surely they too would think you are much better off. But why compare grades? They really mean nothing. What's more important is actually achieving success in life such as... success in getting your own accomodations... success in making friends... success with a job... those really have nothing to do with grades.

    If you always feel inferior, how are you going to get better? Keep in touch with contacts via Facebook. People who judge you based on grades alone? Those aren't the friends you want anyway.

  5. socrates

    socrates New Member

    Hi... thank you for understanding me.

    No one ever understands me, not even my family. They'll continuously rub it in, calling me "lower than average", and "he'll never do well", "Why not a different profession since you're not good"...

    I dont know, I know they might not exactly mean it, but it really daggers my heart. The fear of disappointing one's family is especially great....

    Well I know Bs might seem rather an average grade, but over here, everyone, or probably almost 10+ classes have students who score more than 3 As while taking 5 or more subjects at A levels. I feel so inferior... I just don't know how I can stand up again... I might just avoid everyone around me due to this deepening trauma... I know it might ruin my life :(

    I know scores might not mean anything... but I live in an especially meritocratic society.
    Over here, grades = occupations.
    The paper chase is just crazy. I can't keep up this way!!!
    People here are all conditioned to keep away from losers.... And i'm a growing loser here :((((
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps you can move then get your education away from family go to a country where they look at the person more the the grades maybe time to leave that toxic environment and reach out to a new environment one that does not judge. hugs
  7. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    Hearing things like that from your parents would hurt anyone deeply even they didn't realize it straight away. Where you're at mentally is extremely powerful: if you believe that you can't do well then you won't. If you believe in yourself you can overcome great obstacles. If people around you are putting you down you need to come to that awereness and that it's wrong and you have to react to that. One thing for sure is that motivation, hard work, desire, those are the things that get people the things they want, not natural ability.
  8. The Unforgiven

    The Unforgiven Well-Known Member

    i agree completely with what louis said, at this point, its very very important that you keep your chin up..ill share something with you that i dont tell people, mainly because it hurts to talk about.

    in my first year in college, i had three subjects for my final exam. each exam is of 200 marx, 5o each two theory papers, 40 practicals, 40 internals and 20 for viva (verbal exam).
    in my best subject, i got 38/40 in my practicals and 19/20 in viva (both highest in class), 30/40 internals but a 30 out of 100 for the theory papers.
    what happened was that i got 30/50, an somewhere in the correction one theory paper went missing, so 30/100. and no way of fixing that, so even tho my total was still above the required total out of 200, i still flunked.

    it defies all logic but i flunked. it wa undeniably unfair but i flunked. i tried appealing everywhere, went for recorrection but no use, raan pillar to post but no use. still flunked in that subject, the killer of the joke being that it was my best subject. woul have taken legal action but the same thing happened four years ago to a girl in my college and she called me and warned me not to do taht, she'd move court against the university and they failed her four times, made her repeat three years to get back at her.
    failed one subject, held back fo six months. all except one of my friends left me, no one wanted to be associated with a failure, mars the image yknow. ohh they know what happened, everyone does. no one cares tho.

    with an iq of 161 i was a failure. i spent 6 months in the pits of depression, resenting them for moving on and resenting my existence. passed the re exam and went back to college, but went deeper into obliovion because now im with the people who actually failed, the kind who dont want to study, the people who reall dont give a shit, sit at the back of classes playing music and causing mayhem. i have no idea how itll work out.
    at the end of it tho, it boils down to you.

    you have to look up, an keep looking up. youve done this before, you can! do it again!..
    its all thing you know, you have to block the noise out, and people saying harsh thing are just that, noise. you are! your own encouragement. you need to move on, you can! move on. its not a big step from B to A, and youll make it,, you will! make it mate. =)
    rambling over for now, hehe.. :hug:

    stay strong!..


  9. socrates

    socrates New Member

    I'd love to move away from this country... But it seems that I can't seem to apply for oversea courses in Medicine that are approved by my country. :(

    Do I really have to give up this dream of mine? :(
    I had it since I was a child... and just watching that "close" friend of mine go up the stage to receive his straight A certificate seems to pinch my heart with jealousy. And all along.. my grades and his were on the same standard... it just seems to feed my pain that I was capable but missed it. :(

    I really want to pick myself up, but I can't seem to be able to. I want to lift my chin up, but I can't face anyone I know, not even my ex-classmates. I can't face my teachers. I can't face that little brother that always looked up to me. :(

    I can't leave this place because there is no shelter overseas for me to seek...
    I can't sit for a retest because they require first sittings only....

    Am I just dumb? I feel so useless...

    Ahurtlilkittykat, I'm sorry about what happened.. :(
    It actually seems so similar to my experience... except I dont have a road to reverse this phase of my life. It's done... and I can't help myself... I don't know how to :sigh:
  10. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    You seem like a smart guy to me. But I'm in the US and we always seem to be a few notches below asian nations and even asians that come here. Everyone has their advantages and disadvantages, though.

    When you see an obstacle, find a way to use it. If you're in a heavy current, find a way to go with it and still come out ok. You have enough brains to do something with yourself. If it doesn't work out and you don't become a doctor, it's not like you'll slip through the universe into oblivion. There must be other places for you to fall, right? More options. It's not the end until it's the end. I don't know what you'll do but it can't be any worse than what I've done.

    Good luck. I know it must be hard studying so much. If you can visualize me giving you a big pat on the back no matter what happens, please do so. You've already worked so hard and invested so much to be where you're. That's worth something!!!
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