I'm going through a very severe depression. Severe enough to cause loss of appetite for two days straight. Triggered by family problems. I think I need to go to a professional for help because my thoughts are all over the place. The reason I haven't gone yet is because I've had severe depression before; I was completely dysfunctional then, and I'm not this time around. So even though I desperately want help, I some part of my brain is telling me to wait because it hasn't gotten bad enough yet. Also, I'm part of a very religious family. They believe depression is a choice. So I have some guilt because even though I don't share their beliefs, their beliefs are in my head and kind of "haunt" me, for lack of a better word. Every day when I wake up, I disappointed because when I go to sleep, I'm hoping I won't wake up. I have lots of shame. I am very tired. Any time there is a crisis in my life, it's like my brain snaps. I have enough energy right now to go to a mental health clinic that is walking distance from where I live, but I'm afraid to tell anyone that I have unhealthy thoughts. i don't want to be locked away against my will. That isn't to say that I don't want to go into an inpatient program. I just don't want to be forced. Nice to know someone is reading this. Maybe someone who can relate and who understands. I don't talk to my family about this anymore because I feel like a burden and also because I think they think I use depression as a cop out.