Discussion in 'Welcome' started by BrokenDown, Jul 25, 2016.

  1. BrokenDown

    BrokenDown Member

    Anyone else feeling defeated and tired of fighting?
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Frequently. But I also know that if I give up on the fighting no progress will be made. BrokenDown, please keep up the fight. It is worth it. If you keep fighting, you never know what good will happen. If you stop fighting, you can be pretty dang sure that nothing good will happen.
    sahel likes this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @BrokenDown and welcome to the forums. Yes there has been times where I was tired of fighting but I overcame the obstacles and doing well now.
    What is it that has triggered or is bothering you? We will not judge you here and we will treat you with respectand kindness (hugs)
  4. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    We MUST endure.
  5. BrokenDown

    BrokenDown Member

    Some days everything is a trigger. I suffer from anxiety. I worry every day. I have a ton of loss in my life, feel worthless. Not feeling wanted. My daughter is due with my 7th grandchild soon and we are estranged, because she favors or dad, from which I have been divorced from for over 30 years, but it continues. My oldest daughter lost her first child, he was still born, at the same time my mom passed away. 2 years ago I lost my only sibling that I was close to. I have 2 other sisters and a brother who treated him very poorly, so it was him and I against the world. Now that he is gone I don't feel that I have any more family ties. I cannot get a promotion at work because my company doesn't promote women over 55, I am 58, still have 3 years plus a few months before I can retire. I just feel stuck! I keep wondering what my life would have been like if I had never met either one of my ex's. Yesterday my friend tells me she booked an 18 day cruise to I am with a crappy life<mod edit:methods)But I don't want my son to find me. He lives with me as he has some learning disabilities.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2016
  6. BrokenDown

    BrokenDown Member

    Some days I just want "out", the fight isn't worth it. I feel so defeated from life.
  7. BrokenDown

    BrokenDown Member

    I've made so many mistakes in my life. Marrying an alcoholic physical and mental abuser, divorced him only to marry a person who cheated on me. I just keep wondering how my life could have been different if I hadn't gotten involved with these idiots. You don't get a do over with your life. Sorry to ramble! but I guess I do have a lot to "unload" and I don't have any one to talk to.
  8. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum. I am sorry that you are feeling so down. Are you getting professional help.
  9. BrokenDown

    BrokenDown Member

    I have talked to a counselor here at work because it is free. I have spoken to therapist in the past. They pretty much have a "get over it" attitude.
  10. BrokenDown

    BrokenDown Member

    My anxiety has caused me to even think I was having a heart attack so I have gone to the emergency room and had a follow up with my doctor. Response is learn how to breath to calm yourself down. Not how to handle the feelings of feeling worthless and unloved.
  11. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    So they want you to move past your abuse? I think that it is something that takes time to do.

    Yes you can reflect on how your life would have be different had you not married those people. But unfortunately that is the past and you cannot change. But remember you can change the present and future. What can you do to make yourself feel loved?

    As for anxiety calming yourself is a good first step. But also looking at your anxious thoughts. Like what is behind them and do they make sense. Like are you jumping to conclusions.
  12. BrokenDown

    BrokenDown Member

    I have tried to change the relationship with my estranged daughter but she won't have anything to do with me. A lot of my hurt is from that. I don't get to see my 2 grandchildren, nor the one she is about to deliver any day. So painful. Why should I stick around to let her hurt me this way. No I am not jumping to conclusions.
  13. BrokenDown

    BrokenDown Member

    Even if I was gone she wouldn't care. This is a pattern in my family. My sisters treated my mom the same way, and my mothers sister did the same thing to my grandma. No respect. Don't know how to break the cycle.
  14. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Hi Broken, I'm Mox

    You sound like you are extremely overwhelmed. Here you are SAFE. No one will give you a hard time; that behavior is not tolerated at SF. So feel free to let it out and lean on us for some emotional support. We will give you emotional support and lots of hugs. We are here to help you

    You mention you feel like you are suicidal. How suicidal do you think you are? No one here will judge you. EVERYONE here is fighting their own demons.

    You mention your estranged daughter and the pain you feel. Can you share with us why she is estranged from you? What happened?

    Are you seeing a psychiatrist for some medication for your anxiety disorder?

    You mention you have a son that lives with you and has learning disabilities, my son does also. I know that is a heavy burden to carry.

    What can we do to help you?

    Take Care of Yourself We Are Here To Help You