Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Mar 23, 2011.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So even with my GP saying that he will support me. Basically I am going to have to tell uni everything. Including how I tried to kill myself and that I am self harming. Sam wanted to make sure everything is told to them. She is going to check up and get confirmation I have told uni. So being as though I have to tell them I may as well take her with me. Even if I tell uni I am fine to work. They are going to want reports etc from people involved which will take time which means being pulled from placement. If I was them and I was being told that stuff I wouldn't let me continue.

    It's just a whole bunch of shit.

    I have told me mum tonight. Not everything but that I had been seeing a counsellor every week and had seen a psychiatrist a few times. She said she was glad I was as she knew I had issues that I wouldn't talk to them about. She said I can only hope for the best. At first she was quite naive to the whole thing saying well it's not as though I'm going to attack these people. She didn't quite get the whole safeguarding thing. I said they agree with me on that but it's more than that. There's the neglect side that I could neglect to do something important as of the way I am. Once she understood she was supportive of me but trying to get more info out of me about what I discuss in counselling. I have had to tell her as it looks like I am going to be around the house a hell of a lot more over coming months.

    I just feel as though I have been defeated.

    A lot more went on but I wanted peoples comments. I will blog more tomorrow once I have had chance to sleep on the whole thing and put some order in to the jumble of my brain. I have to tell my line manager tomorrow that there is a chance I wont be going back there and that I need to take the rest of the week off until I have spoken to uni on Monday.

    But for now I needed to get out the initial stuff. And ask, how do you tell people you tried to kill yourself and not come across in a negative light? Please comment on this anyone who reads.

  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Wow that's a tought one. Suicide is a negative topic no matter what angle you take it from. So it's near impossible to put a positive spin on it. I think what you need to do is state that you made an attempt and that is all you say about that part. Then proceed to tell them how you have been recieving help through professionals in the form of counseling and throug a psychiatrist. That you belong to a peer to peer support group and that you journal ( your blog). I'm dont know if you are on meds, but include that too if you are. It is important that you tell them the positive things you have been doing and not make the attempt at suicide the main subject of the conversations. Point out that you have been working while feeling down and it hasnt affected your job in the sense of any major slip ups or errors. And that having the chance to discuss this is really a load off for you and that you want to be able to continue with a clean slate having everyone involved on the same page. I think if you dont make your attempt the major piece of the conversation, if you take the lead with how tis conversation goes, you can put a positive outlook across to them. I hope it goes well hun. I'm proud of you for the courage you had to tell your Mom. And I'm so happy that she is being supportive. So know you have the support of members here, your Mom and hopefully the uni too. This could end up being a very good thing indeed.
  3. never admit defeat.. Fight on.. :hugtackles: Keep fighting on..
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i agree let them know about all the steps you are taking to get better. the meds, the psych, the counselling. yes, you attempted but you are continuing to look after yourself. you have the support of your family. you are taking your health seriously. i know you may not feel all of these things, but you have to be convincing if you want their support.
  5. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    What about, "I attempted suicide, but I'm glad I didn't succeed."? That sounds like a positive statement to me.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I was worried reading the title, but am actually relieved. After all, as far as I can see, you have made things a lot easier for yourself - and the door is still very much open with respects to you completing this course. After all, you have rights and the uni has obligations towards people with disabilities, mental issues, physical illness and circumstances unseen.

    Telling your mum is a great thing. She sounds understanding and you must be close as she already guessed you had issues. Her advice is spot on - we can only hope for the best. Whenever we feel Radio Negativity broadcasting, we have to try and make the mental physical effort of changing the station and its 27/7 medley of Death Metal. Blues, Lover-Gone Soul and Rage Rock. Sometimes we need a piano concerto.

    Anyhow, you might feel defeated, but in the scheme of things, your still in the game, and life is a series of opportunities, never just the one.

    As for telling people about a suicide in a positive light - I would venture that the fact your still alive is a positive. Whoever you speak to at the uni - whoever you speak to be they a caretaker, road sweeper, top boss or executive, they ALL know about depression - and everyone knows someone who has really suffered. You'd be surprised. I think every family has someone, be they here or not, who suffered. Years ago, I dread to think what your fate would be right now. I had someone close who went through mental health 'treatment' in the 50s and 60s onwards. Grim indeed.

    By the way, are you in a union at all? If so, there would be sound legal advice plus practical advice regarding what hand you have to play. Don't wish to sound flippant about it but your situation in part is about deciphering rules and guidelines appertaining to furthering your career. Thankfully, we have a lot of leeway regarding education, after all it would be unfair in some cases to deny certain rights.

    Also, anyone who has attempted suicide, or thought about it, has a great advantage when they recover and get an even keel of sorts. You have an insight into something which blights the life of almost every person born. It's true that most people don't try to kill themselves, but everyone feels down at some time and everyone has a dark night of the soul or several. Sadly, many will drift through life and merely take it out on others. Remember, not everyone who has or goes through a mental illness feels bad about themselves. In your case, the target was NEVER others. Some people can get violent and I suppose that might be what the Uni is looking for to cover themselves! In your case, its a depression that makes you go through the feelings of worthlessness, but you now realise you were lucky and you really want the uni course to continue, obviously with them being to accommodate you.

    Just be honest about it. Or, OK, lets just say the right things!

    Far from being defeated, you've gotten support from your GP (mine is an idiot, I think) plus your mum. You have a job, prospects, plus an intelligent mind that has likely been hit hard by your condition because, lets be honest, if you were stupid, you might not even notice as you'd be drunk on a 3L bottle of 10% proof cider and munching analgesics like smarties as you watch a keep fit DVD and keep an ear out for the pizza delivery calling.

    Regards, and Good Luck!
  7. marc7

    marc7 New Member

    Check this out: Make the Feeling of Defeat Disappear

    I believe the first step towards a situation starts in thought;

    If you 'feel' defeated, you will be, if not already.

    If you feel like you'll win 'some day,' you'll start working/planning/strategizing for such an event.

    This is one way I deal with negative thoughts, I turn them around by 'working my subconscious' into a positive mode.

    I believe the disconnect between our conscious and subconscious is one of our greater failings. We need to learn/search for ways to 'convince/work' our subconscious in how to lead us in positive directions.

    Take care & God Bless
  8. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I've still not really decided what I am going to tell them. I am hoping I can make it sound historical. After all January isn't that long ago really is it? I feel defeated though. If I am made to take time off or even be told it's not for me then what's the point. I have not got much fight in me left. This is my last fight.
  9. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    I agree as Dazzle said let them know that you tried to commit suicide but that it wasn't one of your "best" moments and you're not proud of it but you were really struggling... that now you have come to realise that your course means the world to you.

    My Mum always said "honesty is the best policy" so I think if you try too hard to engineer things or put on too much of a spin on things, they may see through it. Just be YOU, the lovely,kind sincere person you are and explain you understand their misgivings and concerns but you are willing to prove yourself and how badly you want to do your course. Everyone has flaws but you're admirably working through yours!

    All the best, hope things work out for you!
    Ditsy x
  10. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Exactly!! You are doing a great job, just open up, let it all out. It will feel good to get it off your chest and it will also open up the eyes of the ones around you.

    Good Luck, hope it all works out for you.
  11. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    No. I am not doing that. I feel like just giving up now.
  12. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Oh Golly! I am so sorry, I really didn't want to make things worse. Please don't give up... keep talking and vent, vent,vent. I am such a twat, hang in there and I am sure someone will have better advice.

    I really hope things get better for you soon, you deserve so much better.
    Take care
  13. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    NO it's not you. It's the whole situation. I can't see the point anymore. Things are not going to go my way. It just fucks up everything. I don't want a life of this. So why am I bothering?
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