Defeating Myself

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So tonight I am planning on going out and trying to socialize.* You know do that thing I should have been doing every weekend since August.* However, I run into a problem of me convincing myself that there is no point.* Even with my success at the anime convention I attended... I still find myself freaking out because I am going to be going some place out of my element.* That is my plan at least.* I have to get out and go to a place where people are actively social.* So I am going to go to a bar.* However, I run through my mind and say But I don't know any bars.* Then I start thinking about how my anime convention was... well an anime convention.* I knew everyone there at least held an interest in anime. Then I say I have not read everything in my book.
    Yes I have a book on socializing, more specifically wooing women.* I have not read the interaction part of that book.* I try too, but then I get side-tracked.* Totally my fault, but it still sucks.* I know the overarching views of all the various steps... but I still like to know details.. that is one thing that freaks me out... another thing that freaks me out is being out of my element.* I have never been a very social person.* So couple me being in an unfamiliar environment and not being social... my mind just naturally tries to convince me that staying home and getting drunk is the best answer...
    I need to text the guy who said he wanted a crew to go out with... he said he was going out this weekend... but I have not heard back from him on the forum.* He has read the book and applied its practices... at the same time... I am afraid he will see how much I suck and give up on me.* I don't want to just go out to sit out there and stare off into space for a couple of hours... I need to find a place with few distractions.* If I go to a place with a pool table or something like that.. well I will just spend money and time on that. Then the evening will be an even bigger failure.* Because I will have just played games and spent money to do so... I could have done that at home.
    I guess my problem is that I know what I need to do.* I know that by staying in and succumbing to fear I am only hurting myself.* At the same time I have no idea how or where I can find the courage to go out.* Part of me wants to go out after I work out.* That way I can ride that high I get from working out.* However, by the time I would be heading out to the bar, after cleaning up and showering and such.* That high would go away.* Then I am pretty sure my anxiety and the low would make things worse....
    Man I am really freaking out... I always ramble when that happens.* So any advice on how to get over these issues would be nice... thanks.
  2. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    I think becoming comfortable in all kind of social situations build up with progressive exposure and trying to reach out a little bit at a time. That how self-confidence builds up. I don't believe much in techniques. Instead of going to a bar, why not trying to exchange a few words with the cashier at the store, or asking the person looking at the same section of the bookstore if she/he read something interesting, or joining a group with common interest?
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I generally trying to interact with cashiers or clerks at stores. I have been doing that for a while. You know short thoughts about the weather and stuff like that. I can do that because it is easy to distance myself from situations like that.

    I have also tried the group idea as well. However, I feel out of the group for a bit.... Then the group moved and I am having a very difficult time figuring out where they went. :confused: They are terrible at updating their website.

    I am also trying to expand my comfort zone. It is just taking the first few steps out of it that is going to be challenging. :mhmm: thanks for the advice though.