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Definitely only my family keeping me here

#1
Lovely times with my family during Christmas Eve and today. I put on a good show. Got such special, beautiful, meaningful gifts...how I love them! Adore them actually but hate myself. Didn’t take my klonopin...maybe that will change my mindset and keep me here another day. Meeting with therapist on Wednesday. So, so tired physically and mentally.....fear of death and hell keeps me here also plus I have had a few ‘good’ days. things will never be like they used to be though....so what’s the sense?
peace to all....
 

Anonymous ID

Well-Known Member
#2
im glad you love spending time with your family and that they keep you going. That's what keeps me going as well. The memories of me attempting suicide and what it did to my family keep me going. I really don't want to hurt them. I hope people like us can one day find a relief from the pain. Life is so difficult when all the bad feelings out weigh the good. I am hoping you have the strength to carry on long enough to find goodness in your life. You deserve to be happy; no one deserves to feel like this
 
#4
im glad you love spending time with your family and that they keep you going. That's what keeps me going as well. The memories of me attempting suicide and what it did to my family keep me going. I really don't want to hurt them. I hope people like us can one day find a relief from the pain. Life is so difficult when all the bad feelings out weigh the good. I am hoping you have the strength to carry on long enough to find goodness in your life. You deserve to be happy; no one deserves to feel like this
I wish the same for you. Do not know about you, but I have only felt like this the last 3 years. I had a relatively ‘normal’ existence until trauma struck. I am 63. Will now probably get hooked on benzos but who cares. They keep me sane. At the time of my trauma, I was in the best physical and mental shape of my life. Now I am sooooooo the opposite. It’s a living nightmare.
were you recently hospitalized? If so, how are you now?
 
#7
You're welcome!

Were you ever given a diagnosis that explains the mood swings that you have?
No...all my dr did was add a mood stabilizer to see if that helps. Also gave me a benzo to take every day if I choose or every other day. I have so much wrong with me that it is one big guessing game. even my therapist is probably ready to give up on me.
 
#10
I'm a little surprised that the psychiatrist can't give you a definite diagnosis, but I guess sometimes there are a few possibilities and it can be hard to make the distinctions.

I hope that the mood stabilizer will help.
 
#11
I'm a little surprised that the psychiatrist can't give you a definite diagnosis, but I guess sometimes there are a few possibilities and it can be hard to make the distinctions.

I hope that the mood stabilizer will help.
He just sees it as depression related to the trauma
..plus I have ocd. I am a mixed bag. Never took an aspirin until 3 years ago....now I am a walking pharmacy. it stinks. Do you take meds may I ask.
 
#12
He just sees it as depression related to the trauma
That's surprising to me. I didn't think you could get the really severe, rapid cycling mood swings that you've had without having a diagnosis of something other than just depression/ocd.

Never took an aspirin until 3 years ago....now I am a walking pharmacy
Yeah, that's awful. Hopefully you won't always have to be on so many meds, but at least for now it sounds like they may be necessary.
No, I don't take any meds. Acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine, and some self-treatment options like dietary changes, exercise, and meditation worked well for me. I'm not completely "cured" though.
 
#13
That's surprising to me. I didn't think you could get the really severe, rapid cycling mood swings that you've had without having a diagnosis of something other than just depression/ocd.


Yeah, that's awful. Hopefully you won't always have to be on so many meds, but at least for now it sounds like they may be necessary.

No, I don't take any meds. Acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine, and some self-treatment options like dietary changes, exercise, and meditation worked well for me. I'm not completely "cured" though.
But what have you been diagnosed with?
 

Anonymous ID

Well-Known Member
#14
I wish the same for you. Do not know about you, but I have only felt like this the last 3 years. I had a relatively ‘normal’ existence until trauma struck. I am 63. Will now probably get hooked on benzos but who cares. They keep me sane. At the time of my trauma, I was in the best physical and mental shape of my life. Now I am sooooooo the opposite. It’s a living nightmare.
were you recently hospitalized? If so, how are you now?
I understand, I'm not the person I used to be before. I went to the hospital because I took too many pain killers and didn't want to stop. I was popping pills all the time but I have now stopped. It is a nightmare indeed, I hope you wake up from yours
 
#15
I understand, I'm not the person I used to be before. I went to the hospital because I took too many pain killers and didn't want to stop. I was popping pills all the time but I have now stopped. It is a nightmare indeed, I hope you wake up from yours
Oh I don’t see mine ending any time soon....unfortunately.
This is my life now...if It means taking moms numbing drugs to find some quality of life, then so be it. I am 63. My life was pretty good and fell apart very quickly...now as you said, it’s a living nightmare but as I also said, I adore my family beyond words so I cannot go and really do not want to...but this is very difficult. They deserve better.
Stay well.
 
#16
Oh I don’t see mine ending any time soon....unfortunately.
This is my life now...if It means taking mind numbing drugs to find some quality of life, then so be it. I am 63. My life was pretty good and fell apart very quickly...now as you said, it’s a living nightmare but as I also said, I adore my family beyond words so I cannot go and really do not want to...but this is very difficult. They deserve better.
Stay well.
 

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