so yeah, here agin. pretty much under the influence of alchol and wanting more. To forget or try to forget reality. I mean, she is gone - forever - completely. never to feel her touch again, hear her whispers, her gentle voice, knowing she would protect me no matter whta. she saved my life, literally. to never have that connection again, someone who just knows you, gets you. i dont understand as kept buys all day outside. when done I felt this deep pain within and ending up sh'ing. i feel on edge, scared, alone and confused. very confused and guilty. its only 1am and ive a nightt og et through. so hard.