With every initiative I make I realize I'm only delaying the inevitable. My imminent suicide has progressed from interest to obsession. I cannot keep the thoughts from entering my mind. Every hour of the day for years I have suffered from these pressing thoughts. They promise me release from the physical world. Furthermore, I feel I'm losing my connection to reality. I'm starting to doubt this world is real. Have you ever felt this way? Something indefinable is wrong. It's not something tangible. It cannot be fixed. It's something very fundamental and beyond our understanding. Sometimes I feel this is nothing more than a figment of my terrible imagination, a dream of sorts. Not a dream, but a nightmare... one I can end at any moment. I finally have the means to perform this task as I will.