Delete everything...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by June, Apr 20, 2010.

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  1. June

    June Well-Known Member

    The only thing I want is to delete my painful past, erase memories which still haunt me and forget everything that has ever happened to me! I want to get rid of everything and everyone, forget who I met and what is the history with them. I don't want to be in love, don't want to feel the pain that is tearing me apart. I know I wouldn't be the person I am now, but I don't care. I want to be innocent, having that childish curiosity again and not being afraid of anything. Life, relations, love... Everything has taught me to be careful, not to trust anyone. I lie to protect myself. I am sick of lying, sick of feeling lost and alone. Sick of seeing in everything and everyone harm. Is it too much to ask to be happy? No medication, no friends, no psychiatrist, nothing seems to help. I want to lose my emotions and feelings...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i do too want to just let it all go make it disappear so to say. Unfortunately unless you deal with it with a professional who can help you then it won't go away it will keep coming up and hurting you at times you wish it wouldn't
    The proper therapist can help you face your past face your sadness your pain
    It is not easy it is very hard but once it is dealt with then you can move on towards happiness okay. I am still in the process of dealing with the past pains but if i want it to go away then i need to work on getting rid of it once and for all. I wish i had a delet button too but unfortunatley life doesn't work that easy for us take care okay get some help for you so you can have a happy life.
     
  3. June

    June Well-Known Member

    I tried medication, therapists and psychiatrists but nothing seems to work. I'm fine for a while but then, one little thing happens, and it all comes back. It doesn't matter how much I talk about it or to whom, it all comes back at some point. I lost all hope of ever being okay again and that makes me even more sad. I just want everything to stop!
     
  4. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  5. June

    June Well-Known Member

    I just want to know what I can do?! I don't want to have any feelings for anything and anyone anymore! I want the pain to stop, the suffering, the feeling of being useless and not worth anything. What can I do if I tried everything?! At some point I will say, 'that's it', I can't deal with it anymore. Everyone else won, and I'm gonna lose.
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I"ve been told I have reactional depression so I know what your saying....
    you just feel ok and something triggers you again....
    I can only tell you to keep talking to your councelor and even more important when somehting sets you off again....
    I will need therapy for life but that's ok if it helps me survive...
    take care....:hug:
     
  7. June

    June Well-Known Member

    Therapy for life? Does that mean, you never gonna be okay on your own? I'm scared of that. Even talking to all those people never helps really...
     
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I probably didn't phrase that right....when I have a flareup after a major setback...I go back to therapy to help me through it because i have no-one else I can talk to....it helps because when i'm down I can only hear what the depressions saying ..
    have you ever had cognitive behaviour therapy?..
    it could help with those negative thoughts..(calling yourself worthless and useless for instance ):hug:
     
  9. June

    June Well-Known Member

    No, I never had that kind of therapy. Maybe I should start looking into that. Because I have those thoughts so often and it kills me dealing with that. Thank you.
     
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope you will give CBT a try....if your therapist isn't helping maybe you could try a new one???..take care:console:
     
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