Deliberate

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sadie~, Nov 23, 2011.

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  1. Sadie~

    Sadie~ Active Member

    I'm not sure. But I always feel the need to put myself in dangerous situations. Like I want something bad to happen to me. Something terrible.

    It's like I want somebody else to hurt me. I have not a clue why I feel like this.

    Just wondering if anyone can relate to that.
     
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you're posting about it. I don't have any personal experience to offer, but it sounds like you're in pain.

    I guess I do have some personal experience, during my attempted suicide, I wanted the police to kill me. I wanted the result, but without being directly resposible for it.

    Please keep posting, I'm pretty sure there will be someone who experiences what you do.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2011
  3. Sadie~

    Sadie~ Active Member

    yeah I hope so too
     
  4. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    When I was younger I was the same, always taking risks that no one should take and putting myself in dangerous situations, basically inviting harm. I brought it up with my T and he told me it sounded like a normal "side effect" to depression in a younger person. That because we have low self esteem we tend to feel we deserve to hurt, even on some subconscious level that we may not be aware of.
    To break the habit was very hard for me, I was so accustomed to saying "yeah why not" and just doing whatever sounded risky, so it took a lot of strength to fight those urges, and I would not have been able to do it without the help of my T.
    It also may be that you are trying to reach out to someone and feel that if you were hurt badly you would get their attention, they would take notice and "see you" finally. I've caught myself wondering "If I wrecked the truck, would he care? I bet he would see how much I mean to him and start giving me the love and attention I've been begging for". I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, but I want you to know you aren't the only one feeling this way, if this is the way you are feeling.

    If you ever want a chat, even just to vent, feel free to PM me, I'll be here for you.
     
  5. BeautifullyChaotic

    BeautifullyChaotic Well-Known Member

    It also may be that you are trying to reach out to someone and feel that if you were hurt badly you would get their attention, they would take notice and "see you" finally. I've caught myself wondering, in regards to my husband, "If I wrecked the truck, would he care? I bet he would see how much I mean to him and start giving me the love and attention I've been begging for". I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, but I want you to know you aren't the only one feeling this way, if this is the way you are feeling.
     
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