delirium

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crisis, Apr 19, 2007.

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  1. crisis

    crisis Member

    no way of talking helping bullshit, things are just too bad sometimes to be fixed with any kind of help, sometimes life is just too hard and a person doesn't have the strenght to face it and there's just nothing to do. MORS "trafitto sono trapassato dal futuro cerco una persona cerco una persona...fragili desideri fragili desideri a volte indispensabili a volte no..."no way out. Needing some attention, just some f*ckin attention, give me my heart back give it back to me, make my mind sleep make it sleep make it sleep silent no more pain please, no more anxiety, emotions, no more love hate happyness sadnes nostalgia melanconia, help me pliz make them pass go away tutte insieme ah! go away just go away...
     
  2. Adeline

    Adeline Well-Known Member

    Hey crisis,

    You sound like you are in a lot of pain. I'm sorry to hear that. I know what it is like to want to sleep forever and never feel again. You are in such a bad place right now but there is always some hope even when there doesn't seem to be any. You were born for a reason. You have a special purpose in life. It doesn't feel like that now but things will get better. Try to talk about it. What is it exactly that is causing you so much pain in your life? What happened to you? Know that there are people here who understand and want to help you.

    Love,

    Earla
     
  3. crisis

    crisis Member

    Nothing works, I'm a 27 italian guy, I have just started my new job in a big financial company, I earn good money and have good opportunities of career. I have a good family that loves me, I have never been abused or don't have any similar trauma. I suffer from a kind of social phobia and I am just finishing my first FIRST relationship that started 2 years ago. I know for most of people I should consider myself lucky but I don't give a f*ck, I don't care of being lucky I'm loosing the only thing that was giving a meaning to this f*cked up life. Yes, my aim in life was to build a family with THAT person, and I was doing all the possible things to achieve it, I was improving in all aspects of my life but now...now it is just meaning less there's no reason to keep on working on me and all the things that before could let me live in a kind of equilibrium (carefully built avoiding love and similar stupid things) don't exist anymore. Yes, my pain can't be compared to the pain of most people there and my reasons are stupid for most people of this world but I don't care I'm not anymore a child, I'm not impulsive, I'm realistic and I need to put an end to my sufferings. Probably I write here to shout out what I feel inside, 'cause anyway it makes me feel better to let people read of my stupid messed up life. Now I'll put my mask on and show the world how much I love it, obviously with the help of a little of Xanax...
     
  4. err... I hate the word Delirium. I saw this and freaked out again. Too many reminders of her. Anyways, I hope life improves for you, crisis.
     
  5. Adeline

    Adeline Well-Known Member

    Hi crisis,

    Just because you have never been abused or suffered any other trauma doesn't mean that your pain is insignificant. You can't compare pain. You don't have a stupid, messed up life and your story is just as important as anyone else's. In fact, you're a very important person. I know that it is difficult right now. You are recovering from the loss of a very important relationship. Of course you are going to be heart-broken and depressed for a while. Don't be so hard on yourself. It is not your fault. It doesn't mean that you are a failure. Don't lose hope.

    Your life is not suddenly meaningless because you have lost her. Think of all the things in this world that you are grateful for. Even if you can't be thankful for anything at first, just think for a moment. You are obviously a very talented, intelligent and hard-working man. You have started a great job and have a brilliant opportunity to rise to the top. You also said that you have a family who loves you. You have your health as well which is most important. You have experienced one relationship even with the difficulty of a social phobia. That is an achievement in itself. It has ended now but who is to say that you will never have another relationship again? Maybe this relationship wasn't meant to be. Maybe she wasn't the person who you are supposed to marry. It doesn't feel like that now but there are reasons why these things happen.

    Don't let the loss of this relationship consume your life. Feel the pain but talk about it and try and come to terms with it. I hope that you have someone at home who you can confide in. Maybe this is the time to come to terms with your social phobia as well. You could focus on that and try and get help.

    This is not the end. It feels like that now but once you start talking and working through it, it will get easier. Believe me. Just try it. I hope that you are okay.

    Earla
     
  6. crisis

    crisis Member

    Your words are full of rationality and I appreciate them very much. I appreciate the fact you spend some time to explain me what you think and I assure you I am surprised by the kind way you have told me this. The point is that practically from my emotional side I'm a kind of 14 that has lost his/her first love and see the world falling down...you know, she was the first girl I had kissed at...25!!!!! And really is not that I have not had other opportunities before, is that I always wanted a single person to share my life and experiences with, a serious relation, something "romantic" (too much books will kill you :mellow: )...and it is so crazy to be 27 at this point with this child-feelings, not able to see and appreciate what have around and.......anyway I'll accept your advice and I'll start looking 4 some help 4 my social phobia.
    Thank u, u have been very precious 4 me in a difficult moment, if u ever want to talk or need a person to listen just tell me, ok?
     
  7. Adeline

    Adeline Well-Known Member

    Dear crisis,

    I completely understand where you are coming from and I don't think that your feelings are childish. I would feel exactly the same way if I were in your position. I think that most people would.

    I appreciate your gratitiude and your offer. :smile: I hope that you will be okay. Try not to worry okay? If you need any more help again, I am here.

    Love,

    Earla
     
  8. AlwaysRain

    AlwaysRain Active Member

    It doesn't matter in what age you are being suffering from love, 14 or 27, what difference? We all fee the same pain.
    The first time it's always like this.
    It will go away with time, just give it some time and be strong enough to recover and be able to love and feel and trust and make the same mistakes again and again. Life is boring without feelings
     
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