I've come up with a theory I thought I'd share and see what others think. I believe that my depression in its current state (which is not permanent but more a reaction, perhaps based on what my mind knows as a reaction from passed depression), is caused and fixed by delusion. What I mean is I can be fine, brilliant, dandy, all because I believe in a possibility, I become happy in today by a dream as to what tomorrow might have. Once that is shattered or I realize the reality of it all I become depressed, or have a bad reaction, this lasts until the next delusion is born. Let me give you a few examples : Just under a year ago now I was all troubled about where is my life going, where can I be and go to get X, Y and Z. Then a long came this advert at uni for going to the US in the summer, all of a sudden I saw that as an opportunity to experience what I thought was missing, I then began to build my dream around it. I went to the seminars, spent a couple of weeks believing in this dream, this fantasy. Then when I came back down to earth I was back to the start after feeling ok for a couple of weeks. More recently and perhaps more frequently is infatuation with someone. When that gets shattered I feel awful about everything. Even though all along I didn't know that person at all really. I'd spent days creating a fantasy world. Or perhaps take girls in general, just one smile or one sign of interest, perhaps even the idea of going out or going to a party and I begin to feel like I have a chance, maybe this time I will meet someone. Then after that is over and I realise it didn't happen like the fantasy I feel awful. So, my theory is that my depression hasn't gone I'm just delusional. I'm using fantasy to get through. Do I try and beat this back, is it possible without depression or do I carry on until one day maybe I get that lucky break which gives me a today, a reality that is happy and not the fantasy I am chasing.