denial/mixed messages/ "you're crazy"

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by plates, Dec 6, 2009.

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  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    why when i was talking to someone- or people who abuse, do they say "you're crazy" making whatever psych diagnoses or 'unpredictable behaviour' he classified as a 'chemical imbalance' to be the problem rather than his way of communication, the messages, and behaviour he was responsible for?

    or that he's 'found the truth' in my struggle in what he did?

    you know mixed messages? that's fucking emotional abuse. this is an example of what he'd transmit to me through songs:

    1. message minimising what i go through
    2. he loves to watch this 'show', this struggle to keep alive by being in a dangerous life threatening situation
    3. he acknowledges his involvement
    4. oh how i dream to heal your wounds, you're fucking crazy, and how i bleed myself

    combine it all and you see the abuser and a profile of someone so fucked up.

    i've come across people like this in my life. it fucks with my mind. i feel like my mind is being torn apart when i come across people like this. i'm not in contact with him now but it's all internalised and i've nearly died this year.

    today i was hearing things again, the feeling of being overtaken i my future looks like one struggle after another as to how to cope with the mental abuse a few people online did to me.
     
  2. kurenai

    kurenai Well-Known Member

    =((((((((((((((

    I know how horrible it is when you try to tell people what happens to you and they minimize it and say it's not so bad or think happy thoughts, or something really stupid like that. I hear things like this almost every day. It's important to not let others perceptions, ESPECIALLY his, affect you so much, which is extremely hard, but the first thing you need to teach yourself is that you are first, your truth, what you know happened, and how you feel, is the only thing that matters. You must learn to be kind to yourself, because when those horrible thoughts are allowed to hurt you, its a form of self-abuse on its own. Be kind, and treat yourself to wonderful things.
    Can you find some supportive people to talk to? If not in 'real' life, maybe here, you can message me if you want. I don't really know the details of your situation, so I'm not sure how to help.
     
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    thank you so much for your reply and offer of support you have no idea what that means. i feel isolated by that response from a lot of people around me in various abusive situations in my life. they use the whole misdiagnosis of 'mental illness' in the past to perpetuate their behaviour and to silence.

    the thing you say about me knowing the truth is so true.

    it's similar to what my therapist said about diagnosis. she said, you know the truth, you know what CPTSD is and women in the psych system have been treated like this for years regarding BPD. apparently there's a new deluge of psychiatric disorders that have come up recently derogatory to women, one of them 'masochistic PD'..:dry:


    i don't know, what i said above has little and as much to do with your reply and my original post. it's all about knowing the truth, realising my process, and trying to avoid people who are in the bubbles of denial rather than rage at them. my therapist said i'm the person with her eyes open in the family and so many people's eyes are shut. i have many eyes though.


    what you said about self abuse is what i'm trying to minimise but it's difficult when you've internalised. it's like something inside of me that is seems to be killing me and i feel might kill me one day but all my efforts go into self protection thankfully. if it didn't, i'd be dead or in an ED clinic by now.

    thanks kurenai you're a gem :hug: i'm doing everything you said (i seem to know it already, i suppose i just need someone like you to hear me and it's so important people like you are around) and it's going pretty good :smile:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2009
  4. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    oh, sh*t I wish i knew why people do this. I think it has affected my life even more than the bullying itself. :((
    I realized way to late that I am not that insane. Till this day i still get told by my parents I am not perceiving things right and get hints/compared to a schizophrenic (wich my medical records says am not) Now i know my parents r nuts but what can I do, it has affected me past the point of no return. They used to get mad at me and scream at me how can i be so stupid and no see it's not so. When i remember that, Im in the mind to kill them. They did so much harm, like i came home anxious and depressed from being bullyed and they had to make it double. I know my mom is a cold bully type person but my dad is just place nuts, like does not perceive reality, because has to put maximum effort to do that and usually doesn't.
    Dont even know why people talk to people, I guess the ones i see in real life are living a different movie than me.
    I'm so messed up now, like sometimes I feel I have hope and am sorry for my parents cause they have theyr problems other times i remember stuff and feel like ripping peoples faces of as i cant find no excuse for their behavior., I'd never do that. But this makes me feel is the reason why am alone.
     
  5. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Oh wow I can so understand. And with me, it kind of pushes me more 'crazy', because it's so aggravating and confusing and everything.
     
  6. sunshinesblack

    sunshinesblack Well-Known Member

    yeah it is aggravating i never had the mind to judge whether they r doing it on purpose or not, my psiche just makes me avoid these people
    its like theres a little alarm setting off that wont shut up till im away from them, Guess its best by the amount of inconsiderateness needed to say stuff like that
     
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