why when i was talking to someone- or people who abuse, do they say "you're crazy" making whatever psych diagnoses or 'unpredictable behaviour' he classified as a 'chemical imbalance' to be the problem rather than his way of communication, the messages, and behaviour he was responsible for? or that he's 'found the truth' in my struggle in what he did? you know mixed messages? that's fucking emotional abuse. this is an example of what he'd transmit to me through songs: 1. message minimising what i go through 2. he loves to watch this 'show', this struggle to keep alive by being in a dangerous life threatening situation 3. he acknowledges his involvement 4. oh how i dream to heal your wounds, you're fucking crazy, and how i bleed myself combine it all and you see the abuser and a profile of someone so fucked up. i've come across people like this in my life. it fucks with my mind. i feel like my mind is being torn apart when i come across people like this. i'm not in contact with him now but it's all internalised and i've nearly died this year. today i was hearing things again, the feeling of being overtaken i my future looks like one struggle after another as to how to cope with the mental abuse a few people online did to me.