depresed

Hy,first of all,I apologies for my writing mistakes, I'm a foreigner, and I don't speak english , so excuse my way of writing.
I'm thinking about suicide for a year. Anytime when I want to take my life , something is stopping me, and I can't understand what.A year before I went to see a terapist , because I wanted to change my thoughts about life , and my lifestyle, after that , I got more depressed because I find out , about my past, about how imature my parents were. ( my dad is dead) .So , even if I tried hard , to believe that is something to live for , everytime life showed me the other side of a coint.People are not to trust , everytime you are alone.And love, or carring is something that is just fantasy.Is a dream , a wish , that everybody wants, but they don't make it come true.
Every way I go , I see just egoes, I can't see a beautifull thing , or thought come true. whithought a deal envolved. "I do you something if it's good for you too, after that we say goodbay".Thay don't realise that things like that , are not ok. Everybody will feel that loss after they'll go , and where is gonna end this stuff, ? what will be the final thought?
That you allways will be allone? And everything that you know about feelings is jusy a game, about who is able to survive?Anyway , I don't think that I shold even bring children in this world.

 

Your thoughts mirror the world, and you may feel that you are at the bottom of the food chain.

Your analysis of the world - of selfishness and greed - is true: no one will pull you up without good reason, but why pound yourself for knowing this? Why pound yourself for shattering the illusions of "the game," as you put it? This only shows me that you are slowly growing aware of what you can do with your future. The world you were introduced to is a fake, and it is alwas a shock when reality comes crashing down on you.

When the image of the "real world" has settled, your perspective will be different, so don't punish yourself for the sake of your parents naïveté.

 

tired

i'm tired to fight, i want everything to stop,it's like a glass cage arround me, and i can't breake trought,i can see, but sometimes i can't do nothing,