I've been good for a few months now but all of a sudden I'm back to feeling overbearing depression. I've been living alone for a month and I think it's really taking a toll on me. I feel like I have no one to talk to and don't even need to hide being depressed anymore. When I lived at home I would at least try to fake happiness and sometimes believe it, but being alone I can just come home from work and lay in bed. I also started sort of cutting again. I don't know why I do it, and I don't dig in with a knife deep enough to bleed and scar, but I like to write a word on me each week and daily I just go over and over and over it gently with a knife, so it's red and makes tiny marks, but not enough to scar or be noticeable to others (and it's on my thigh anyway). This week I went with "nothing". It makes me feel better for some reason and I can't even explain why, but it also makes me feel crazy. I'm at the point where I scare myself sometimes with suicidal thoughts and would like a therapist, but I really can't afford one :/ I don't know what to do or how to make myself feel better and make the depressing pain and crying I feel go away. I try to talk to my boyfriend, but I don't think he understands at all, so I'm posting here because I know people are probably going through similar situations, which really is comforting in itself.