depressed and cry everyday

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hi my name is, Aug 23, 2009.

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  1. hi my name is

    hi my name is Well-Known Member

    i only have one friend i can talk to about this but i don't want to make her cry anymore. she has her own problems and she will worry way to much about me for her to even function. i feel like i'm stuck being depressed. like a zombie. i know the way out of it but i've developed a bad habit of going in zombie mode when im seriously troubled. for example i remember one time i had quit e (which i don't do any chems anymore) for about 5 months and then one time i knew i could get it and as much will power i had it could not defeat the demon that entered me. i literally felt like a brain dead zombie that went crazy and it was like there was the demon walking me towards the dealer while whatever consciousness i had left tried to stop me from walking towards him so it must have looked funny, actually quite sad and i will never forget that because i get this demon from time to time when i'm doing self harm. and now i just can't find the will power to go ahead with the treatment. and now i have found the quickest, easiest, cheapest and safest way to commit suicide. it seems like everything is perfect to go now. the only things stopping me were the pain and difficulty commiting(which i think my demon would handle eventually) now that is taken care of. my life plan of telling mass numbers of people about thc oil extract which has cured ppl with numerous amounts of cancers n tumors. letting ppl know the USA brought back top nazi scientists after world war two under project paperclip. and many other very important things that people don't care about. but i'm giving up hope in myself as it's a huge role because with doing that i want to start a revolution of ppl. i actually know my path to happyness would be to find a girl with the same interests in the activism and revolution that i have. you know be a hero for the world. i think that's attractive to some girlies. anyway i'm giving up. and thirdly i'm extremely popular. which i know some of you on here would think oh my god you are so popular if i had that i would be happy. not exactly.. i've hid my depression and troubles from everyone. i've been numb all of my life. a few ppl have noticed it although they don't know. some say i'm melodramatic from time to time. it's only because i have no inside feelings and try to guess at the right thing to say. which i have been extremely successful.. but when i go my city and a lot of people are going to be crushed because so many people think i'm the nicest person they have ever met. sooooooo many people would expect me to be the last person but i'm starting not to care anymore. it's not selfish. i'm sick in the head. anyway when i get my funds together and some alcohol don't be surprised if you hear about a kid from ontario canada commiting suicide from a specific method
     
  2. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Well if you're crying you're still not ready to give up yet. There's some part of you that still wants to keep going and it's trying to let you know. Try to keep fighting and I know a lot of girls that are into activism (try guelph if you can) that are out there, so you need to keep looking.

    Keep trying, it does work.
     
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    wow you should come to Los Angeles for two reasons...

    One there are chicks demonstrating all the time here! Two so you can stay at my house and I sit on you so you don't kill yourself.

    Seriously I am being playful but dead serious.

    There are women out there that would love to have you as a partner and I see these women all the time where I live. I don't know about Ontario but sounds like a sensitive soul like you does not find many kindred spirits so maybe a move is possible? Are you a member of any groups? They meet often here to form rallies and decide their next move so they have a social network going.

    As far as wanting to end your life that saddens me. I do not know all the details that have lead to you feeling so down but see that you are new and can only say that you will find great support and caring here. There are many that share you thoughts and feelings that will lend their advice, care and support to you so please continue to post and reply to threads as we are here for you.

    Take care and hope you stick around here!
    Bambi
     
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