I have to be honest, I don't come to this section often because most times i see threads about depression usually also involves talking about medication and that is an uncomfortable and sensitive subject for me. But I have been dealing with more depression lately. I don't have a job, I don't have money to go on my own, I have had to put finishing college on hold, and I'm not sure when or if I will ever return, I can't get over a painful rejection from a few years ago, I am struggling in my faith of God, and my family has become so unbearable to the point I am starting to think i no longer love them. I have so many painful memories and mixed together with the pain I am dealing with currently, it's just too much. I don't have the courage or "balls" to kill myself, but I want to. I don't have any alcohol to numb the pain either. I can't afford to see my therapist and I'm sure as hell not going to the local mental health center where they just throw some dumbass pills at you and nothing more. I'm just really emotionally drained. Sorry if this came off as vague and rambling.