Depressed and unsure

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by sadhart, Feb 28, 2012.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I have to be honest, I don't come to this section often because most times i see threads about depression usually also involves talking about medication and that is an uncomfortable and sensitive subject for me. But I have been dealing with more depression lately. I don't have a job, I don't have money to go on my own, I have had to put finishing college on hold, and I'm not sure when or if I will ever return, I can't get over a painful rejection from a few years ago, I am struggling in my faith of God, and my family has become so unbearable to the point I am starting to think i no longer love them.

    I have so many painful memories and mixed together with the pain I am dealing with currently, it's just too much. I don't have the courage or "balls" to kill myself, but I want to. I don't have any alcohol to numb the pain either. I can't afford to see my therapist and I'm sure as hell not going to the local mental health center where they just throw some dumbass pills at you and nothing more. I'm just really emotionally drained.

    Sorry if this came off as vague and rambling.
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hey, there's no need for apologies here! I believe than when you've found depression (or it's found you!) you don't really need a refresher course to remember how it feels, right? In any case, glad you came & I do wonder if there are any free group type setting meetings available locally? Our hospital here has a free once a week group meeting for anybody whose ever gone through the adult partial hospitalization program (day group therapy). Something like that could be an economical substitution for your current therapist, until you get better situated financially. And don't be too overly concerned about the break from school--a lot of people take them--as long as you have the desire to go back you always can, and it's usually those that don't really want to be there that end up taking one year off which turns into five, as they get stuck in some job some where. In any case if all the talk of pharmaceuticals sickens you then that is okay, and perhaps best to stay away many a days, for I too have lost the love and hope I once had in the medications that all sounded so delightful when my psychiatrist described their effectivenesses! Family can be a bit of a bore, too, I know mine likes to dive into my life when things aren't going my way and simply take over control. Which generally leads to productive disaster on my end of things. Probably would help to try to compartmentalise it, pass it off as a consideration of the source, type of treatment. In other words, that's my folks for you, what am I to do! Who cares? Stop becoming so distressed over what you cannot control. Namely, them! :) take care and I wish you well!
     
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel like that...to be honest, I feel the exact way at the moment, my mom came over and she just sucked everything I had...I can barely think...but I understand what it feels like when you've had enough and you have no money, no one to help you...but here you can talk it through and there will be people who can listen and relate...
     
  4. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Yeah thanks...I am really oping that this next month is going to be a little hopeful, but I have learned not to get my hopes up. I'm also sorry that your mother left you feeling the way you did as well.
     
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