Depressed as fuck

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Domo, Jul 5, 2011.

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  1. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I don’t even know where to start and I probably don’t even deserve to have anyone listen. But right now I’ve got no one to really talk to. My therapist is on holidays.

    Everything is once again falling apart.

    In summary, I am going to be made redundant in September. If I can’t find a new job I’ll lose my home. My uncle tried to burn his house down while he was in it and instead of being taken to a mental facility, he is being charged with arson and is in prison. My best friend who I love so god damn much, is not well but she won’t talk to me so I have no idea what’s going on and I need her. My parents are moving interstate and my grandpa is dying and I don’t think it’s possible to despise myself any more than I do. I've been completey sucked dry and i have nothing left to give.

    I’m tired of fighting.

    I’m tired of hurting.

    I just fucking want a way out of all this.

    Please tell me what to do. Please help me. I beg of you to make this stop.
  2. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    You have about 2 months to find another job...maybe there is a possibility that you will get another job in time?
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    The job is as above - something you just look for in the meantime.

    Thing is your uncle - (and I'm an uncle) would have a good chance of getting out if he is on medication and perhaps therapy. He needs a solicitor and its easy to phone him or write and ask him for the details of who is defending him.

    The cops might be duty bound to ask someone goes to jail with any serious ACCUSATION. Bear in mind, if your uncle has not yet been sentenced, then he is innocent until proven guilty. The reason he is in jail is that the evidence is clear - he seems to have burnt his own house down. The cops are not going to bother too much with mental illness - they are not nurses just cops.

    Of course, its possible your uncles home was set on fire by others people. With him in jail the first investigation is the fire department who will be able to tell if a fire has been lit deliberately. They are not nurses or cops - so will only be able to say that someone has set the house alight with purpose or malice. Neighbours will be witnesses also but its up to a solicitor to find out what happened.

    Being American the law differs to the UK but the same basics apply I suppose.

    If he cannot afford a solicitor the state will make one available - maybe a learner but sometimes they are young and keen to do a good job.

    A lot rests on him being able to prove he is mentally ill - I do know that some states have seizure laws for elderly people who own property - but you have him so that will not happen.

    If he gets rent paid by benefits - then I guess he will get a new home when he gets out - and may have some redress with compensation if he can be proven innocent by trial or retrial.

    As for your friend - they are not always there with us - but being friends is about the time apart also as it makes friendship valuable and something to treasure.

    your parents will be OK - and maybe you can find work near them - as its nice to be near your folks if you have any - and a change might be the best for you all round.

    As for your granddad - he has lived a long life I presume? It is hard to see him go I know - I miss mine - but miss my grandmother more dearly. He is still alive so see him before he goes. I never had the chance as mine died in a hotel bed in another country! He hardly needed company on the flight so we flew him back and funerals of older people are not as upsetting as they are for funerals of young people.

    Do see him though - even if your estranged.

    Best wishes - hope I can see through the fog a bit more clearly and help you - as you can do that for me one day.

    Thanks in advance - and good luck with the job and everything that might be good in your life.

    Regards and good luck!

    PS you can phone the prison to ask if he is being held in a secure unit or medical facility annexed to a jail.

    All you need to do is make a few phone calls - you have enough to deal with yourself and there must be other family there to help?

  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    God Domo i am so sorry life is turmoil for you I hope your uncle gets a good attorney and get him out of jail gets him in a mental facility to help him You need to look after YOU okay first most Get some references from you work now so you have them for you next interview Can you talk to someone Domo a councillor you doctor and get some help emotionally hun I know you worry abt your friend i worry too hugs to you
  5. SuperMoon

    SuperMoon Active Member

    You will find a new job!

    And maybe even a better one.

    I know what you are feeling, thinking, and going through.

    Please keep telling yourself that you will find a job.
    I don't mean to sound insensitive but if, a big if now, it comes to you losing your house, you will be okay.

    I'm not sure where you are but what are your unemployment benefit options?
    I'm not sure why your uncle did what he did but if he is supposed to be in a mental facility, maybe he can find a disability advocate who will speak on his behalf.

    You can be proactive as I'm sure you are by looking for a new job.
    Do you think you can move with your parents?? Would you want to?

    Total Eclipse is right. You have to work on you first.
    Focus on solutions. Take each problem one at a time and work on only what you have control over.

    Please hang in there, you will get through this. I know all too well that it is hard to pull yourself out of it.

  6. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I'm in Australia. My uncle is a suicidal alcoholic, they don't see alcoholism as a mental illness here. I think him setting his house on fire was just a cry for help. The part that is getting him in the most trouble is he said that if the cops came in the house, he would shoot them. He doesn't even own a bloody gun. But threatening a police officer here is a serious offence. He is looking at 10 year jail setence with that plus the arson.

    Things with the friend are much more complicated than just 'a bit of time apart'. But i don't want to talk about that.

    I can't afford to move interstate even if i wanted to.

    My grandfather also livse interstate so i can't see him and he had to have his tongue and part of his throat cut out so i can't talk to him.

    I appreciate all your points and can see the logic behind them. The point is that i am tired and i don't want to do this anymore.

    My job saved my life and the people i work wit are like family. My boss knows about my illness and takes care of me. That is so rare, what are my chances of finding another job where it is like that? My therapist is on holidays. I don't have a doctor i can talk too. And it's not Cat i am talking about. It's more complicated then that.

    I don't have any savings anymore. I am living from pay to pay.

    Things with my parents are difficult. I love them and they love me but i can't move in with them. It's only last year that i moved out.

    I just want to die. That's all.

    I don't want solutions. I don't want another job. I want to not be here anymore.
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey domo...I'm sad to hear you're so down and having so many problems..
    I'm not much help at the moment cos ''fighting'' myself..

    but I do know you need to hold on and keep fighting cos those thoughts will diminish and hopefully disappear with time as they usually do

    please find some more professional help asap and keep reaching out cos we're here for you
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