I don't know where to start. I don't want to get into too many details. I just did something horribly wrong by accident. The guilt is eating me alive. I've been mentally ill for years and it changed the course of my life. What happened wasn't caused by my mental illness directly, but I know that if I had never fallen apart at the seams years ago I would have never done what I did in a bad split second decision. I feel so awful all the time. I cry on the way to work, and i cry driving home. Some times I even try not to cry at work but it comes through and I just act like i'm having a sinus infection. I some times end up throwing up. I've been this way for months. I just don't know what to do and I'm here. I never wanted my life to turn out this way at all. I think about how I was 6 years ago going into school and having my career ahead of me, feeling so optimistic. Now I just feel disgusted with how things have spun out of control. I just don't get why I should even bother going on.