Depressed boyfriend...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by endxofxheartache, Apr 17, 2011.

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  1. endxofxheartache

    endxofxheartache New Member

    Hey :)

    First time I have posted on here and I guess I’m just looking for a bit of advice. (Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong place)

    I’ve known my boyfriend for about a year now, been going out just over 7 months. I love him to bits and I honestly would do anything for him. The only thing is that from time to time he suffers from depression and I’m finding it difficult to know what the right thing to do is.

    I have suffered from depression myself in the past for many years (so I know exactly what he is going though) but I also know that he/we can get through it. I never really had anyone to talk to when I was depressed, I had another boyfriend at the time but he was really unsupportive…he had the ‘just snap out of it’ attitude (to be fair to him, my depression was very severe and I honestly don’t think he knew how to cope with it) so I just want to be there to support him the best way I can and give him someone to talk to and trust as I know just how important that can be.

    Basically, I just wondered if anyone else had any advice on the best way to help him? At the moment I am just trying to keep him occupied and keep his spirits up as much as I can. I give him time to himself as well when he wants /asks for it, I don’t want to suffocate him because I know that can be as much as a hindrance sometimes.

    The only problem is that he doesn’t live near me and I only get to see him on a weekend and when he’s feeling particularly unwell he tends to cut people off and withdraw himself. He won’t answer his phone sometimes and I get so worried. He’s told me he’s not suicidal, but I still worry.

    I know about most (I think) of the things that have happened in his past which cause him to become down (he dwells a lot and thinks about things too much) – I used to do this a lot as well but I’ve managed to overcome my constant negative thoughts, so I know how it feels. He often says ‘I wish I was more like you, I wish I didn’t worry’ and I honestly wish I could help him. If I could take his worry away I would.

    He has said some hurtful things to me when he has been feeling particularly low but I know he doesn’t really mean them. He told me he said them because he wants me to hate him and leave him. He thinks he doesn’t deserve me. The truth is I really don’t deserve him, he is such a kind, friendly, loving, unselfish person when he is well – I just wish I could have him like that all the time.

    He has been to the doctor, the first time he went she made an appointment for him to see a councillor but he didn’t go (I didn’t know about this appointment until it had passed otherwise I would have offered to go with him) I honestly think that’s what he needs, he needs someone impartial to talk to. I managed to convince him to go to the doctors again and another appointment has been made (I suspect he might be right at the back of the list though having not turned up to the previous session….mental health care where we live is pretty poor and the waiting lists are always pretty long!) At the second doctors visit she gave him a prescription for anti-depressions (low dosage). He hasn’t taken these; he is sceptical about their effectiveness. I agree with him to some extent, I think in his situation tablets alone are not the answer. I took tablets for many years so I know their benefits which I have told him about…but obviously the decision is up to him. I suspect he won’t take them though.

    Anyway, I think I have gone on long enough…..any advice would be greatly received, good things to do or not to do :)

    Thank you for reading

    x
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear that your bf is depressed. I think he is lucky to have a gf like you that is so supportive

    sounds like you are already doing quite a bit.

    I think it is good that you are encouraging him to get meds and therapy. I don't think that you can make him do these things though if he doesn't want to.

    There is a book in my sig that offers some self-help methods for depression.

    Eating nutritious food can help. Getting a 1/2 hour of gentle aerobic exercise everyday can help. Also fresh air and sunshine. Meditation can help.

    Maybe you could get him to go on some brisk 1/2 long walks with you.

    If he won't talk to a therapist, encouraging him to talk to you might help. Oh, and he could also post here!

    If there are some funny movies or tv shows that you could watch together, that might help. A few good laughs can go a long way toward making someone feel better

    I wonder if you could arrange to live closer together?
     
  3. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    you are doing really well and he is lucky that you are so understanding..as you know, depression can be a real relationship killer. i dont know if he knows you are posting here...but feel free to tell him i was dead against meds and when in hospital and got them forced on me i had horrible side effects that could have been dangerous and was taken off all. however, my gp eventually convinced me to try another and whilst at the start on low doses i had horrible side effects....they have turned out to be the most tolerable...they are not perfect but give me an element of stability and calm..and it has to be really really bad for me to crack which does happen but its not so long lived...so if you can convince him try the meds, if only to give his mind a rest..its worth it...if you can get him to talk here...even better...takes pressure off you...and if you need support...there are always ears here for you...good luck x
     
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    He is a lucky man to have you, clearly you are special.
    I could make many suggestions here, but will make only one.
    Keep on loving him, it is without doubt the most powerful thing in the world.
     
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