Depressed, but want to help others

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Priestpel, Feb 17, 2010.

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  1. Priestpel

    Priestpel Member

    Hey guys, I joined this forum acouple years ago now i think.... it was really helpful for me to talk about my problems and issues to ppl tht understood.

    Unfortunately, i have fallen back into a slump yet agen. I plucked up the courage to ask a workmate out for coffee on Valentine's day and we have set a time a place this thursday...however, she just wants to b friends =[

    After 2 days of tearing down what convidence ive built up and the plans i made for this year, i've decided i need to focus on helping others...because tht makes me feel better and appreciated.

    I'm here to talk to anyone that wants some1 to listen or to have an idle chat with =]

    Stay safe
  2. SelfMadePrison

    SelfMadePrison Banned Member

    I am glad that in this time of difficulty you are able to reach back out into our community here.

    Its hard to feel confidence slip away.
    I don't think all is lost though,
    take the opportunity to make a friend,
    and to show that you can be a friend,
    this is the first showing of consistency..
    to many in our day cry out for instant want,
    our patience has worn thin,
    when you have shown throughout much time that regardless of what happens you can and will be there, that will speak volumes about the meaning of what love really is about, and it will bare fruit.

    I recommend if you have not allready to do some searching for some talks by Dr. Bruce Lipton

    Breath easy
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm glad you're willing to help others, and I hope we can help you at the same time!
  4. Priestpel

    Priestpel Member

    help is much appreciated nd i hope it can b mutual for ne1 tht wants to talk with me.
  5. Spirit Wing

    Spirit Wing Active Member

    hey priestpel

    how odd to come across your post so shortly after finally deciding to join myself. last time i was on here was 5 years ago. in those 5 years i've learned, after a number if failures, to manage my depressions (possibly my mania too :p) with reasonable success and to see myself a little more worthy than a squished bug.

    i'm going through a rough divorce at the moment which led me through the proverbial dark pit, back here. it's been cathartic to say the least. to see my old user name still hanging around (posts seem to have been deleted which is a pity. it would have been interesting to read), saved and kept 'safe' by this bunch of strangers through all these years... and to think over where i've been since i was here last... wow.

    i haven't helped anyone yet - and nothing says i will be of any help anywhere - but i'll be damned if i'm going to sit idly by while i see others go where i've been before without at least trying to hold their hand :p it helps the receiver as well as the giver, so not an entirely selfless act, but there ya go right?

    so can i please stand with you in your corner?

  6. Priestpel

    Priestpel Member

    theres still an old post i started on here about 2+ years ago... was interesting to see wot i used to b like and wot caused me to b so depressed back then...

    as usual, it was girl trouble =P

    theres plenty of room in this corner, every1 needs help at some point and they need ppl to give them tht help =]
  7. Spirit Wing

    Spirit Wing Active Member

    i wonder if there's a way i could retrieve my old posts - i'll have to meet an admin at some point and ask... i do know i had some absolutely awful poetry as my bio/tagline lol. at least i hope that part has improved with time...

    the worst is when we allow others' perceptions of us (or is that our perception of their opinion of us ?) to help build our own perception of ourselves. we all need to be loved - it's a basic human trait - and what more obvious way to see it than through a romantic love. when we feel loved, we can _feel_ better about ourselves, but can we actually see ourselves - and clearly?

    i'd like to say 'no', unless that love is coming from within. there are many different forms of love, as i'm sure you are aware, and there are a myriad of ways for love to be shown and interpreted (yes, investigating 'love' has been a pet project of mine for a while now LOL).

    never having done so, i struggled with the whole 'love thyself' thing, so did the next best thing instead and started showing love to others. i steered away from the romantic one tho because that just has too many complications and variables. at first it was more like an experiment. using different ways of showing love to different people (and activities - they strangely need love too! hahaha) and expressing different forms of it. by no means was it scientifically conducted nor recorded except in my often mislead memory, but somehow through doing that, one day i realised i could internalise it to some extent.

    it was that smidgeon of self-reliance, that little seed of love i gave myself that started making me stronger and it didn't happen overnight. it was almost by accident i think. but people started looking at me differently and i started responding to them differently too. just subtle things. but years down the line it has come to bear fruit.

    one of those fruits needed plucking though - my husband and father of my three children decided that this 'new me' wasn't what he wanted after all... but that's okay (well it hurts like hell, but his feelings and thoughts are outside of my sphere of influence so i can't take responsibility for them). i know that i can do anything, move anywhere because i take my love with me... and someone, one day, will appreciate it. if i never find that person, that's okay too, for i would have loved, and been loved, anyway...
  8. Priestpel

    Priestpel Member

    changing urself for the better has always been an aim for myself. Afew months ago my gf broke up with me, i still dont know why. After tht i went to the gym and worked out everyday for a month, which is quite unusual for myself. I thought tht with something to focus my mind on wuld keep me thinking of nething but the negatives and a physical improvement of myself wuld win her back. I noticed tht i had changed while i was with her, just tiny things about how i acted and spoke to ppl, and i realised i didnt like losing those things. So i worked hard to get myself back into a state of when we were first going out only to find tht after all my hard work that she had moved on and was with some1 else... Hard to believe how fast some1 can go from saying 'i love you' to being with some1 else and not caring about u at all any more.

    Since then ive been interested in acouple of girls, 2 girls i met recently are friends of a friend. Had a drunken kiss with one, who turned around a week later and said i dont like u as more than a friend. And the other has a rather disappointing bf for the great person she is. But i wasnt overly upset by these dead ends. Just this girl at work... somehow she seems to have captured me and finding out she doesnt want a relationship seems to have delievered quite a blow. Ive havent been so depressed since 2 years ago and its affecting my work. The last 3 days ive been depressed and angry at work, today was the worst so far. She was at work today and we barely spoke, which is quite a contrast to how we used to be. I barely spoke to any1 at work and i even became quite synical about ppl tht have done nuthing rong...including her, and at one point i became slightly violent (no1 was hurt). I was more or less invisible today and i havent felt like tht since college. I have the next 2 days off work and i know im going to spend them completely alone with nuthing to do and its going to b terrible. I almost wish i didnt have the days off but im hating being at work simply cause i keep thinking of her.. Im in quite a sticky situation and im not happy about it
  9. Spirit Wing

    Spirit Wing Active Member

    and the frustrating thing there, is that your reaction and actions are probably turning people away from you too... not saying you're a bad person at all, it's just the way people react to something they can't understand - or don't want to deal with...

    maybe spend the next two days doing stuff you enjoy. spoil yourself a little. if no-one else will have that privilage, let it be you! i'm sure you deserve some TLC...
  10. Priestpel

    Priestpel Member

    very true, every1 at work is turning a blind eye to me now. I just walk around all day with a blank expression on my face saying as little as possible.

    thing is im so depressed tht i both dont want to do anything and dont enjoy wot i used to get up to... im not very social so i spend most of my time indoors on my own, on the computer =/

    trying to make plans with some friends but im not sure how.......reliable, they will be
  11. Priestpel

    Priestpel Member

    as usual, friends say they will contact me but they havent. no going out for me today =/ we usually go drinking on friday nights but im not sure if my mood will make me gd company at all.

    also, had a txt from my ex-gf last nite at 4am. all it said was 'i miss you', i didnt know wot to think so i thought she was drunk or some1 was playing a trick on me. after awhile it turned out it actually was her, but i told her to pick her words carefully next time. it wasnt the best thing to say, but i dont want old feelings for her to come back or for me to say the wrong thing (like i still love you or i want you bk). so a short arguement occured which ended with me going back to sleep. is it a bad thing tht i cant see her in the same light as i used to? im afraid tht she will either disappear like she has done to me so many times in the past or i will develop those old feelings i always got when i saw her agen after time apart. she moved on with her life and lost all feelings for me, why cant i do the same without holding a grudge against her?
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