Depressed, constantly anxious and losing motivation to change

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by martinjonny, Nov 9, 2013.

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  1. martinjonny

    martinjonny New Member

    I'm a 24 year old guy from Norway (Europe), suffering from anxiety, more specifically daily panick attacks, agoraphobia, partly social anxiety/phobia, as well as depression. The anxiety has been with me for around two years, the depression even longer. The reason why I signed up here just now is that it was the first time I googled 'suicide'. I've contemplated on it occasionally for about 6 months. Perhaps the reason is that it, at some point, feels comforting knowing that there always is a way out. Not that it's a good way out, but still...

    I go to group therapy once a week at the university I attend, and I also work twice a week as a fundraiser for a humanitarian organization. The reason why I am mentioning this, is that one of the ways I deal with, (if you can call it that), the depression and anxiety, is by staying home, laying in bed, doing not much of anything, isolating myself from my surroundings. I very rarely go to classes, only the mandatory one, which is once a week. I have a girlfriend, a relatively supportive family and a couple of good friends. I do well at school, despite not reading that much. I guess because I find most of the syllabus interesting, it sticks decently fast. I am telling you this, because what I struggle with the most is the feeling of not being good enough. Now, most people I know have no concept of why I feel this way, seeing as they would deem me a good, intelligent and pretty good-looking guy. And here is one of the key issues I have:

    There is such a huge difference between the way other people seem to judge me, and the way I judge myself. Much in light of this, it seems difficult for people to grasp why I "of all people" would have such poor self-esteem, and be depressed and anxious.

    This fact, in turn, means that I don't only feel helpless, but I feel alone. Misunderstood. And lately I have started to lose motivation in terms of things getting better. Also, I started on anti-depressants some 6 weeks ago, but they haven't helped much, despite the psychiatrist doubling the dose two weeks ago. But back to losing motivation: I struggle so hard getting up from bed, eating, leaving the apartment, basically with anything that has anything to do with doing something different than nothing at all. I read way too little, I have completely stopped working out. Also, even being with my girlfriend doesn't help much most of the time, especially in terms of having sex. It often takes a long time to get an erection, and once I do and we have sex, I rarely ejaculate, especially the last 6-8 weeks. She knows I'm struggling a lot and is supportive, but there is only so much (or little) other people around me can do to make me feel better, at least it feels that way too often. And the bad sex-part just adds on to all the other stressful, depressing elements or parts that make my life all too difficult to handle.

    Some of these aspects brought me here. I really don't know what I'm looking for, I just felt like sharing a very short, perhaps not so well-written story of how my life is like at the moment, and hopefully get some feedback from someone.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think many of us understand the loneliness even when we have support around us. Your sexual problems may be a side effect of your medicaiton have you talked to your doctor abt this problem If not you should. It takes at least 6 weeks for the drug to build up in your system if it is not appearing to help then maybe ask your doctor to change it or add a med to it ok
    With chemical depression one does not need a reason to be depressed you just are and people who are not educated do not understand that. I do hope by coming here you will feel less alone welcome to SF
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I can relate to some of the stuff you talk about. I have depression, general anxiety and social phobias. I have panic attacks and I tend to isolate myself. I also am harsh on myself, not sure why either. I demand far more of myself than of others.

    Meds take time to have effect and it can have side effect like reduced libido, talk to your doctor about that because sexuality is just as important as anything.

    I've also come to realize that I find more helpful people who listen to me and say that they hear me than giving me advice, so you can tell the people around you that you're not looking really for solutions when you talk about stuff that stresses you out, just a sympathetic ear and kind heart :)

    It took me a few years before getting better with meds's not a cure but to me it helps a lot with my anxiety, otherwise I wouldn't sleep and I would be crying all the time due to the anxiety pain I would get...
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sorry for your struggles. Talk to the Fr about medication - as well as changing dosage and letting build in blood stream there is a very high chance it is the issue behind your bedroom issues - a very common side effect . Maybe is time to ask about a different med?
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