Yeah thats what im doing with my life. Sometimes I go through these phases of where i need to be like this or else i dont feel right. I start drinking heavily and stay out late, or i look for comfort with sex. Ive lost my job and now im unhappy in my relationship. Everything is bringing me down so i do whatever to numb it away, even if it means hurting others. Better them than I, I say. I used to cut myself and yes I am having urges but im trying not to. I already have enough scars on my body. Plus id like to avoid another trip to the mental facility. My boyfriend lives with me but he is staying on the couch now. I would like for him to leave but we kinda both need each other financially right now. He cant get his own place and I need him for rent. Yeah it sounds messed up but thats reality. Im trying to not cheat on him, but the destructive in me is going that way. I feel like im on this high and i dont know what to do with myself excpet for destructive things like crazy partying and stuff. I guess im just waiting for it to pass like it has in the past. Well see what happens.