depressed doctor

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by madasheck, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. madasheck

    madasheck New Member

    I'm a horribly depressed physician. Now, before you make accusations, say how thankful I should be for a job or this or that. I don't even have a job right now. I have little money and live with my parents.

    Imagine...every single working day of your life you are amongst old, diseased, dying people. And you have to comfort and save them all. And if you don't, it's your fault and you can be fired or sued. And you have to see more and more patients all the time, with endless demands.

    I would quit but, having given so much time to medicine, there's virtually nothing else I can do. I would be sweeping floors.

    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @madasheck and welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so low. From what I know about physicians (which isn't a lot ) you could potentially move to a new country and work as one there? Have you thought about that? Are you qualified to work anywhere? I can only imagine how draining it would be to work with old sick people day in day out but youre obviously a bright spark and will think of something else to look forward to doing in your life. Do you have a girlfriend? No judgement on my part what so ever just peer support. Sorry you are thinking of suicide, how long have you felt this way?
     
  3. JamesT

    JamesT New Member

    Haven't tried in more than five years - spent a year in long term care. Last hospital time two years. Thoughts come and go, I'm usually pretty good about finding good points to survive. Found out today my bad Medicare insurance won't pay for a huge chunk of a procedure is need. Between this, my ex stalking me (have spoken to police), long term depression I really needed a place to express how down I am. I'll make it through a weekend, I left a message for my case worker, but after Monday I don't know. I have a plan. I know doing so is dangerous. But options seem too limited. I hold on knowing there are people who care. But, I believe it is my life and my choice if this pain continues. Thanks for allowing me to speak. <Mod Edit:Timeline>
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2016
  4. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF. Sorry you're struggling. Know we're here for you anytime. I bet it's tough doing the work you do. Thanks for what you do though. Hugs Here if you want to talk.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You can speak all you want here. Don't every worry that you can't or you're talking too much, that's what we are here for, to listen. Sorry to hear your ex is stalking you, that must be scary, install whatever needs installing, security cameras, alarms etc...if its physical stalking. Glad you already spoke to the police about it. That was the right move. Please hold on as people DO care, we're here and we do care. Sorry to hear your medicare cannot cover your procedure, is that what has triggered you feel this low tonight?
     
  6. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi madasheck and welcome to SF. I can imagine what its like, I usually spend all day with crazy people who like to self harm and try to end their own lives. They all suffer some form of pain be it mental or physical or both. I just try to reach out to them and support them the best way I possibly can. Yes, it can be draining, yes, it can be daunting, but these guys are hurting and I hurt with them all.

    I can only tell you how much just trying to support others in a similar position to my own has helped. I have some worth and purpose again. You could be a tremendous support to this community and you might just feel a little better about yourself along the way. Its not a easy job you do and it never will be. But you have a choice to change things or not. If the job is making you need to visit a suicide forum for support, I think its time to seriously think about changing that dont you?

    I am trying to identify areas of my own life that require change. I am therapy to help towards that goal and also doing some therapy that involves my partner as we both try to get to grips with whats going on with me. If I can do that at my age [I have a good few years on you] then I am sure you can make changes as well. Dont allow fear to hold you back, because thats what it is, fear of the future. Right now you dont see the future you could have, only the one that exists right now.
     
  7. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. We understand that professionals in the medical field do get down as well. The job you do is amazing and can no doubt be mentally stressful. Have you thought of taking a break somewhere for yourself. A change of scenery might help in a short-term but you also need to think about the long term.

    This no lie, but you have my upmost respect for the field of work you are in. It's a tough field to deal with. Have you spoken to a colleague or is there a helpline for stressful professionals with your professional organisation?

    Yes, when it comes out in the open, you are getting emotionally drained there will be a lot of people talking but also a lot of empathy from the people who are close to you on a professional basis.

    Sorry for prying, don't you have any hobbies where you relief the stress the you feel everyday.

    We are not professionally qualified here but can help you to learn and advise from our own personal experience.
     
  8. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    I think you should get a therapist. Even therapists need therapists, and the line of work you are in can be particularly energy draining and leave you somewhat more vulnerable. I think it would be good for you to have a regular outlet and someone to monitor your mental health along the way, especially with how you are feeling now.

    I can relate to being trapped in a profession that people think is wonderful and valuable etc. Many on the outside wouldn't, and I know how it is to go to your 'nice' job every day, which job makes you want to die: it is torture. Perhaps, if you really don't want to practice, you can take a break and look into jobs that want a medical background/degree instead, maybe something admin in a hospital somewhere...or cast a wider net.

    However, I can share of being rejected from even sweeping floors (metaphorically) because you are indeed boxed into that profession, and it making things acutely worse by trying to switch. So, I don't have advice on how to get out really, except to try and keep hope. And good luck.

    But maybe with some therapy you won't feel as stressed mentally.