Depressed Lonely thaik about suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by az303, Jan 23, 2008.

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  1. az303

    az303 New Member

    Well, i never really talked about this to anyone, but i feel like ending my life. First of all i am 17 years old and i just feel horrible in every way. I lack any confidence, feel that i am ugly, can not even make eye contact anymore with anyone, lonely( have no real friends at all) and I seriously can not take this much longer.

    First of all, I do not have any confidence , cant even talk properly with anyone anymore, cant look at anyone in the eyes and always look at the floor when walking or talking. While i was in high school many people made fun of how i look and i even once heard girls whispering to each other that i look ugly, which really hurts and it made me lose whatever low self-confidence I had. What makes thing worse is that i wear glasses and braces which do not help me at all, i tried wearing contacts but just can not do it.

    It really hurts when i used to see most of the people getting invitations to partys and stuff while I never got invited. As for me being lonley , I used to have many friends but later on I had one friend only, who is my best friend and we were like family and have been friends for over 10 years, but recently he never calls me and even when i call him he does not answer and when I checked his facebook profile 6 months after that i found picures of him and his new friends one of them he called his best friend , which really hurt me and was a fatal blow to me. Now all i do is just stay home , never going out.

    Now that i went to college i thought this could be a new start and I could have a life again , but i continue walking alone, most days i dont even talk to anyone or greet anyone and the opposite is true. It just kills me seeing people having fun together with their friends while i am all alone. I do not even want to go to college anymore, right now i am skipping it a lot and just do not care anymore.

    I have been thinking about killing myself a lot and just do not want to live anymore as the pain is just too much for me , I even holded a knife once and almost stabbed myself but just could not do it, also lately when i am driving i think about crashing on purpose so that i just end this misery. Even when i talk to someone I just have nothing to say and feel so depressed.

    I am sorry for writing so much its that i just had to let it out, cause the pain is just too much that i feel that i am dying a slow death.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2008
  2. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    First of all welcome to SF :hug:

    I felt and experienced a lot of what you are talking about at college.(Just left last year)

    If you ever want to talk you can always PM me or MSN if you use it.

    See you around hopefully :smile:

    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

    HELLO Sweetheart

    I feel for you, I really do.
    I can relate to; about feeling really alone in college
    I stopped going there for 3 weeks now and dont care anymore
    I know how it feels having nothing to say and feel so depressed so much that you cannot even get up and hold on one more day in life; at college
    I used to have lots of friends but because of my sudden mood swings and depression I didnt want to go out anymore nor talk to anymore it took me a lot
    so then im left alone friends didnt understand and left which i can understand even though ive been very desapointed
    you can come talk to me anytime

    And Welcome to SF its a great support place ive made some really nice friends
    We all know what you are feeling so feel free to be honest with yourself

  4. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I feel for your pain and alienation. However, you gotta realize that even the good relationships don't last. I'm sure you'll find another best friend. And the girls are out there, you just gotta look.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum hun :hug:
  6. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    You have made the first step towards improving things by talking about how you feel, albeit by posting online. It won't be of any comfort to you, but many people go though the same feelings that you are going through. Even though you may think of suicide as a solution, bear in mind that it is a permanent one, so you need to really make sure you don't make any rash decisions. Hang in there, if you can.
  7. tesseract

    tesseract Well-Known Member

    Hey, dont worry. Just get some help (like signing up on a suicide related forum..) and let it out.

    and btw.. WTF is "thaik"
    [COLOR="DarkRed"]Error[/COLOR]: [COLOR="Blue"]Undeclared function[/COLOR]: "[COLOR="DarkOrange"]Thaik[/COLOR]"
  8. D3ath

    D3ath Well-Known Member

    At the risk of pointing out the obvious :laugh:. Think it says "think".. Everyone makes typo's :/.

    az303 Welcome :hug:
  9. tesseract

    tesseract Well-Known Member

    oh right, "i" is right next to "n" and "a" is right next to "i"..

  10. az303

    az303 New Member

    Re: Depressed Lonely thinking about suicide

    Thanks everyone for replying as i now know that i am not the only one who feels like this, i really wish that i can experience the joys of life again and overcome this, though the problem is day after day the derpression becomes more and i think more and more about ending this pain. I hope that by reading about other people who feel the same feelings as i do and talking with them that there may still be a small bit of hope to overcome this, though i really doubt it , but still thank you.
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