depressed, lonley, lost the will to keep on goin

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#21
:(, it's just getting worse, I've managed to get in contact with an old friend, infact he was my best friend in school, I've been to the "shrink" to talk about my ADHD meds and got some new pills prescribed aswell as antidepressive ones, he decided I should have those without me even telling him anything really, also booked an apointment with a shrink next time I'm goin back there to talk about the meds again, so I guess it's something, but still sitting here in the middle of the night I feel like I dunno, the sadness is almost unbearable again, I wont kill myself but it feels like it's driving me insane, I dont know how to deal with it, today I became an uncle agian and I can't even be happy about it, I'm drinking alcohol again to get rid of the worst edge of it but not even that is working anymore. How are you doin friend? talk to me
 
#22
the feeling have been consistent today, I can't shake it, feeling worse and worse all the time, have no idea to cope with this, my heart is like an empty shell now, that tickeling feeling is inside it, feels like I will never meet anyone again that I want else than her, it feels like she was perfect only she didn't want me in the end. I dunno if my heart will mend this time, this is a feeling I wouldn't want my worst enemy to experience
this is exactly how i feel right now. im glad to see that im not the only one. =]
 
#23
yeah I've also found that to be one of the few comforts, people who're dealing with the "same" thing, people who really understand what it feels like. feel free to to keep posting your feelings in this thread friend
 
#24
not a big fan of kliché comments usually but, I do feel like a stone rolling faster and faster downhill, like there's no stoping me, my thoughts are going back to her constantly, when I tell my dog to come to me, I think about the way she told me to come to her, I love to cook but I can't cook anymore because I think about when I cooked for her, I can't watch certain movies anymore because I think of her, I can't talk about thailand because that makes me think of her, I feel obsessive but I can't stop it, I know I have to let her go and I've accepted it but it doesn't keep me from missing her like I've never missed anyone before, drinking everynight to take away the worst edge of it, sometiems it works, sometime it doesn't, only reason I go out is to take my dog out, I have 1 friend that i put my last hope in now, 1 friend that can relate, 1 friend that seem to really care. goin to a shrink in april sometime, I know I wont be completly honest with him/her, for fear of being locked up in a mental institution if I tell him/her I have suicidal tendences, I know if I start crying I wont be able to stop, and I will. I want some medicine that takes away all my emotions, sometimes it gets so bad I dont know what to do, the thoughts are spinning, I'm making myself think about it because it feels like if I can handle that I can handle anything, but I can't handle it, I*m dying inside, I realise this is more than about a girl, but that girl showed me a glimpse of how life used to be, meeting people, seeing people, feeling attractive again, and I loved her for it. Someone else admitted to me the other day she was starting to like me, I feel so mean, I'm giving others false hope, but at the same time I dont wanna stop talking to her, I need to feel wanted, I'm such an egoistic mess, guess the next thing is the get the antidepressive I got prescribed and put my faith in them and live 1hour at a time.
 
#25
this thread have become my personal diary instead, think I'm having a panic attack while I'm writing this, my heart is doin flips in my chest, I'm shaking and feels like I'm about to faint, and I've never fainted, head spinning, the unbearable sadness is always there, went to see my new niece today, she was cute but not even that made me happy, thought about how it would have been to have her there with me, might be a panic attack, might be the antidepressive side effects I dunno, but I know I can't take this much longer.
 
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