Depressed over isolation/mutilation

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Digital Angel, Nov 28, 2011.

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  1. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I am listless as fuck and I don't want to type too much otherwise the <edit moderator total eclipse rude.>

    I lack a social life, friends, whatever. I am invited to a birthday party on the 3rd but it's a token fb invite at best, and the opportunity to have a friendship with said girl is unlikely given circumstances taht are beyond explaining right now. I've decided not to go because it's a bunchof people I generally hated in high school, and has little potential for meaningful interaction.

    I guess I have potential social outlets, maybe, but most have waned, and my best friend lives a state away. I need a fucking girlfriend, friends etc. I am depressed as hell and almost 24 and going this long with only 2 serious romantic prospects has been hell, a month with one girl, and maybe a week I spent with another and a few months of a long distance relationship. has no relevant meetsups in my area and the city I live in is fucking terrible.

    On second hand I busy restoring my foreskin. I am actually coping much better than I was when I first found out my circumcision as teh cause of my massive sexual dysfunction at 22. Since then (year and half now) I have had a massive improvement and actually realized I have gained A LOT of new skin just the other day. I get depressed every time I read about doctors in the US (no one else in the developed world has our cavalier attitude toward genital mutilation of males at birth) and the studies from Europe, and MY experience of greatly improved sensation, but I wno't feel anywhere close to content until I'm done, probably anotehr 3 years at the rate of growth I'ev calcuclated from my skin.

    Mostly, I am trying to deal ith the social issues for now, and fixing circumcision as much as I can I have lots of other issues that I won't get into. If anyone has some advice or can sympathize it would be appreciated.

    I am not in a good place.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2011
  2. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    If it's not clear I am trying to get a real physical social network, through the internet if possible. I really don't know what to do from here. Also, it's difficult to meet girls/get a girlfriend because of the expectation of a man having his own place and being financially stable. So I automatically get fucked out of virtually any girl around my age (23). :/
  3. b-rock

    b-rock Well-Known Member

    Yo what up? I really think you should go to that b day party. Even if it was a measly invitation and what not. i think you should still go. I am the same way about not wanting to go to some of those social gatherings because it can be full of a bunch of people i don't like and don't care for. But if you have another friend that is going as well then i think you should really consider it. Because there have been a bunch of times I wanted to skip a party or what not, but some how one of my friends convinces me to go and even though i had a bad outlook going in i still enjoyed myself. You should consider talking to other ppl that you know got a invite via fb and see if it is straight if you roll with them to the party. Try not to get so caught up having a gf. I remember the more i wanted a gf the harder it was. You just have to be opportunistic and take a chance if there is one. Good luck. and also if the party is lame you can always bounce.
  4. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I think I will go and leave if it sucks.

    Rather pissed I got banned from the chat for "being rude". This was after people had essentially being been mean as hell to me, who I'm sure don't get infractions because they are the "good ol suiciders". So whatever, I'm banned from chat now, permenantly I'm not sure?

    I can't believe such pedestrian behavior got me infracted. This place is fucking useless and a sad excuse for a crisis forum. Members don't try to get other members help. They just TINGS WIL GT BTR and then shut up.

    God forbid I come here for actual venting/GETTING MY PROBLEMS SOLVED than wallowing in misery.

    Hell, want to know whatthe reason I am most pissed about. Everyone was calling me a troll and then I said I will stop taling to everyone if they keep addressing me adn yet they STILL KEPT DOING IT. Then I said I wanted to stay in the chat but I'd leave people alone if they didn't talk to me specifically and that I would cut if they didn't (which I did) and yet EVERYONE COMES BACK and keeps addressing me. No one hear gives two fucks about the well-being of others and IM the one who gets banned.

    Rather disheartened, but whatever, I guess when you have a monopoly on teh suicide community you can treat your members horrible and get away with it.

    By the way I eventually apologized and left the chat since everyone was being mean, and was getting berated by people who I am 99% sure did not get infracted. Rather fucking stupid.
  5. Brandt

    Brandt Well-Known Member

    I've been in the chat several times now and have not seen anyone being mean, that isn't to say it's not happening, but so far it seems like a fairly nice place to just hang out. Would you care to give some context on what "being rude" involves? Also, it does seem like most people here want to help but what exactly do you expect people to do if you live in a different country/far away or what have you? There's stickies with help lines, other than offering advice and kind words I don't see how anyone could really help someone who is suicidal, then again, words go a long way and might just help some people even if it doesn't work for you. Making a generalization about no one here caring about the well being of other members is a tad much, I've found a few people who have similar situations to my own and I do care and hope they get better.
  6. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    sorry you're feeling bad... but as we always know.... there are always two sides to a story and im sure this wasn't done without examining the facts of what was actually said
  7. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    Double posted by accident.
  8. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    If you want to meet a girl, try: or

    I met my husband through plentyoffish. We've been together for a year and a half now. Also, neither one of us were financially stable or living in our own place when we met.

    Both sites are free and have tons of users.
  9. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I'm not trying to excuse my own behavior. I think it's ridiculous to expect members on suicide forum to be completely rational. I was in a bad state of mind, and as soon as you say something that isn't what someone would normally say here OMG YOU HAVE TO GO.

    Anyway, this topic isn't about the fucking chat, so please only respond to my first posts.

    Thank you.
  10. Brandt

    Brandt Well-Known Member

    Of course not, but if you're going to rant about it then make generalizations, bashing members and mods/admins, you should expect someone to comment on it. All I wanted was some context as I haven't seen anything you've stated in the chats, but I suppose reading the line in your first post and constant swearing to make a point explains it to me pretty well. Unfortunately I'm a "simple-minded" person who can't offer more than some advice and a few kind words, which is clearly not what you're looking for, so good luck and hopefully someone can help you with whatever issues you may have.
  11. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I'm not trying to be mean to people. I just dislike coming here. If I had elsewhere to go with my problems I would not bother you guys.

    Anyway, I decided I'm going to go to my friend's birthday party. The fact there will be beer pong mostly seals it.

    *edit* before someone comes in and tries to bitch at me. I am not encouraging that others drink alcohol or trying to trigger alcoholic people. I know, everyone here takes the rules WAY more seriously when it's someone they hate and not take them seriously when it's someone they like (mods in particularly) and obviously which pretty much everyone here hates me. I seldom drink anyway, but the advent of such will help maek it easier for me to be sociable for this particular night, thus the mention.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2011
  12. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Digital, I've often wondered if my circumcision went okay. When fully erect, I have very limited sensation no matter how much I stimulate it. But when half erect, I have more sensation. It's pretty weird and led to a lot of my isolation, along with various environmental factors. I hope I'm not a lifelong casualty of some dumbass rabbi.
  13. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    Circumcision never goes okay. It's just a degree of the loss you have. I would recommend trying foreskin restoration. It's easy to get your feet wet and regain sensation quickly. Buy some medical tape and look up cross-taping and keep your skin taped over your glans the entire day except when you bath or use the bathroom, wear it sleeping too as I do. You get a DRAMATIC increase in sensitivity in maybe a week or two because your body starts to produce smegma again. I've been at it for 18 months with cross-taping and manual restoration. I suggest looking up the foreskin restoration forum.

    It's not only WAY better, I last longer DESPITE being more sensitive (I suspect because you need less force when it feels better).
  14. Nick_K

    Nick_K Well-Known Member

    FWIW I can relate to your feelings over being circumcised. I too am restoring and daily I feel frustrated over the fact that this was done to me just on the grounds of being born in the US. There is no reason to be doing this to babies. Of all the arguments in favor of circumcision, none of them justify doing it indiscriminately at birth.

    Why wasn't that my decision to make? Because I wouldn't remember it - fuck that I found out what I was missing why didn't anyone take that kind of pain into account? Furthermore how is it that molesting a child is the most evil horrible thing you can think of, but sexually mutilating a child is perfectly fine as long as the child is a boy?

    I'm convinced that this is a major part of my suicidal feelings as well. Not so much the fact that I'm circumcised, as sex is a relatively small part of life as a whole, but more about what this says about the way society works:
    -it's not safe for boys. You have no right to your own body unless it has a vagina.
    -if you don't like the fact that you were mutilated at birth, tough luck
    -doctors only want money and will inflict any amount of pain to recklessly charge for an unnecessary procedure on an innocent baby

    If anyone in the US took the fourteenth amendment or the hippocratic oath seriously they would be just as up in arms over male mutilation as they are over it happening to girls. But only a tiny minority of the population of the Western world is even partly swayed by such concerns so the practice is allowed to go on in the name of profit. Take away the monetary incentive and I guarantee the practice in the US would rapidly be no more common than it is in any other developed country. It makes no sense and this is just one more reason for one already prone to depression to not want to live in a world where the human needs for safety and self determination are given so little value. I've also seen flippant suggestions on the internet that men who are upset over being mutilated at birth "get help." Tried that too - after two therapists (one male and one female) dismissed my concerns over this offhand, I was too embarrassed to try again.

    Anyone who knows how to find a therapist who could help with this though, please send me a PM.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2011
  15. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    Yeah, dude, add me on here. I'll always be here for support if you need it. I have Youtube videos on the subject that are very popular (one has 11000 views), but I apparently cannot post the videos here. :/ Mods have some ridiculous belief it will cause harm to people.
  16. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    Yay, my topic where I asked when I would be unbanned from the chat (for essentially no reason) is now deleted, I haven't heard a response from a moderator.

    What a crock load of shit this website is. The people who need help the most get cast out.
  17. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I would have copy/pasted what was in the chat, but this site uses stupid coding for whatever reason that makes this not easy to do or impossible. I wonder if the terrible way they treat their members is why. You can't highlight and copy and paste basically.

    I could have at least posted the conversation and defended myself, but nope YOUR BANNED cuase you made a couple members mad and the mods by venting.
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