Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ellie Grey, Feb 7, 2013.

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  1. Ellie Grey

    Ellie Grey Well-Known Member

    I don't want to leave the house, I don't want to go out tomorrow and sit with people who make my anxiety worse, I don't want to be around someone who analyzes my body language and facial expressions; I don't want someone looking at my arms and face.
    I don't want to leave my house, I can't face the outside world.
    I just want to cry and stay in bed, I don't want a future, I don't want a life.
    I just want my father back, I just want a normal life, but I can't have either.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HUGS or ok hun i know it is hard to go outside to face people i understand i do but hun they will help you they will make life a little safer for you i am sorry you are missing your father hun He would want you to try hun right to get better hugs
  3. Lost in translation

    Lost in translation Active Member

    Hi Ellie, I'm sorry to hear about your father. I to battle with extreme anxiety when I leave the house, in fact I basically stayed indoors for 5 months straight before I realized that wasn't helping either. It's tuff and I still go through it everyday but its slowly getting better. Sometimes we feel that no one understands what we're going through but you could be surprised by opening up to some friends about your feelings and asking for help. Something I had to realize the hard way. I wish ya the best and hope things get better for you. It's hard, this I know but you can overcome the sense of being in the dark and start fresh again
  4. Sophia_Wilde

    Sophia_Wilde Active Member

    I have similar feelings, though I do not have the anxiety... feeling burdened with having to carry on and try all the time. Staying in bed, I feel is good and yes... I too spend a lot of time under its covers.. hugs
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 7, 2013
  5. daciana

    daciana Well-Known Member

    Hi Ellie, everything you said is exactly how i feel, so i understand you. I'm sorry about your dad. Most days i stay in the house, because i can't stand the outside world. It started when i was a teen that i became a recluse, i didn't get out since the age of 16 until i was 22, things have changed for me, i do get out when i need to and want to, but i still feel anxious and discomfort around people. I too wish i could have a normal life, sometimes i even wish i could have my father back as well, even though i know he's better wherever he is now. Death has robbed me of the best thing i ever had you see, and i still miss him everyday. The pain of losing him, i feel it less now, only because i think about it less. I guess that is my mind's way of self protection, but it doesn't mean that i have forgotten. That will never happen. When you really love someone, somehow it stays with you forever. I have my bad days and not so bad ones like everyone else, some of those bad days i think about ending it all, but i don't really want to die. It's an eternal battle inside me, and I can not do anything but try to survive each day, one at a time. Because, worrying about tomorrow will only overwhelm me to the point of depression. I try to stay strong, especially when i don't think i can. Normality is not something attainable for everyone, but only because it does NOT have the same meaning for everyone. So, to me, my normal won't be the same kind of normal some might think it should be. But when i do reach it, only i will know and no one can tell me different. I hope you will find your normal again and get better too. Hugs
  6. brokelass12

    brokelass12 New Member

    Hi I'm new to this and I don't know where to begin. I'm a mom, wife, sister, friend and daughter. But I really don't feel I'm good enough to be any of those. I can't bear to look at my children cuz I feel I'm failing as a mother. I can't seem to grasp how to be a good wife, or sister or daughter cuz I'm just to sad. I have failed in life so many times. I can't seem to hold a job, people constantly judge me and make me feel inferior, some days I feel like I'm just not smart enough to function in society, I want to be successful but I just can't seem to escape failure. My husband constantly reminds me of how we are financially strapped... as if to say it's my fault... I don't know if he means it like that, but that's all I seem to hear everyday. We started in a network marketing company and since then our finances have greatly suffered. I tried so hard to achieve greatness within the business but we constantly hit road blocks and now we are sinking deeper into financial despair. No one will hire me for the hours we need cuz of the kids and my husband just doesn't believe me. I can't even get a job delivering papers cuz they start too late in the day and no one can watch our kids while he leaves for work. I recently blew up at a team member of the business I'm in cuz I felt like I didn't have the support I needed and deserved, to be successful and no one would listen to my feelings, and they pitied the other person and basically said I wasn't allowed to feel that way cuz her "story in life" and her journey to advancement is better than mine and feel bad for her cuz she deserves to be pity partied... so I spoke up and now the rest of the team hates me and my husband sided with them. Most of my friends I have a hard time relating to them anymore cuz I don't want to live like a "sheeple". I resent my life my choices and now I can't seem to cut a break financially. I hate my life cuz I was promised I would never have to worry cuz my husband would never let us fail but we are... and fast. I'm so depressed I either want to sleep all day, hide from everyone and not socialize, run away where no one knows who I am, or go to the "crazy house" and stay until I can sort out these bad thoughts in my head. Even my husband's nutty ex wife has become a better person than me apparently. I don't know how to fix our issues, cuz again, no one will hire me. My husband seems to be stressed too but he's not hated by anyone like I am getting. My husband's mother despises me, I feel unwelcome, I didn't get to even feel like my thoughts about my business were justified cuz the other person is apparently more important, and my husband can't seem to stop criticizing and comparing me to that person and everyone else in the business. Sometimes I feel like I'd be better off gone.
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