Depressed

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ms310, May 15, 2009.

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  1. ms310

    ms310 New Member

    I am new to the forum I joined today.

    I have been having thoughts of suicide and feeling useless this past year. I have just finished my junior year of college and now starting my year long process (probably more) of finding a job.

    The problem that I have is that I work part time and go to school. I wish that I had the luxury that some kids had where I could afford not to work and just focus on school but that is just not possible. Anyways since spring 2008 I have gotten one and only one "C" in each semester since including a "C+" in my major Finance :sad:.

    I feel hopeless because I'm browsing through all of these internships and everyone wants atleast a 3.0/3.2 and right now I am just under a 3.0 without the "C+" added in. Although I know (and most employers) know that academics are not indicator of performance in the real world but that is what they have to go on in the mean time. I am really paranoid abotu finding a job and starting my career and my GPA is really bugging me :sad:

    Basically I think the root of my problems is how I choose to value myself. I am valuing myself based on achievements instead of how I am as a person and what value I bring to those around me. I am most definetely a loner. My family is not close. We are 6 people (two parents 3 siblings) who are blood related living under teh same roof. And because of this I do not turn to any of them to talk about things. I am the type of person to keep things bottled up but I am very good at controlling my emotions so my top never blows off. I am somewhat moody but not to the point where it would set of any alarms.

    I really fee like this is a phase that I am going trhough. A natural progression through in life where people are learning about themselves. I feel like one day I will look at this period of my life and laugh and or wonder what I was thinking. But right now in this day and time I feel like my life is over if I dont achieve these great things, get this great job, or attain material wealth.

    The only thing keeping me going is my parents. I do not want them to go throughthe pain of burying their child. Since I do not have any children I do not think that it would be selfish of me to do so because no one is dependent on me.
     
  2. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    First of all welcome to SF!

    Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time at the moment.
    I know how you feel, I had to work part time too, to afford my study and that made it really difficult to focus on college sometimes.

    If you want to talk feel free to send me a PM. :hug:
     
  3. tls5669

    tls5669 Active Member

    welcome

    Wow

    Im in the exact same boat, even live in the same state. I dont go to school though. But I do understand what your saying about your mom. Hang in there, and if you need to talk PM me.
     
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