Hey, this is my first time posting here... Today, i almost jumped off my 25th floor apartment. Im 20 yrs old, really lost and depressed.. For many years ive been trying to stay strong. But i dont think ican any longer... This problem has been hitting me so hard over the years, and its been getting worse... i cant even function properly anymore, i cant think, i cant remember things,i have really bad perspiration break downs everytime i go out. i cant talk to anyone properly, without being paranoid about how i look, how i present myself, always ending up looking like an idiot.. i can no longer sleep properly, i cant push myself to go out any longer.. ive drifted so far away frm friends, they think im a freak.. Im a disgrace and embarassment to my parents, i used to so drugs at times to numb the pain. i feel so lost and alone. Ive been trying so hard... its been so retarded for so many years. i cant be like this forever, i want to change. but it seems impossible... so many things ive tried, keeping diaries, going out to practice communicating with people, trying to live a healthier lifestyle... nothing seems to work. .. i just want to die now. my existence is probably a fatal flaw..