Depressing Question

[Taciturn]

What would you do, if, one day you woke up permanently neurologically damaged at a young age? You have symptoms such as severe depression, impotence, ringing in the ears, loss of appetite, and constant anxiety -- but, you are in no physical pain, have full movement, and most of your logical and thinking abilities are still there.

Would you go on? If so, how would you approach life?

(I'm not asking this question because I think it's novel, or deeply philosophical or anything... I'd just legitimately like to know.)

 

[claycad]

If I wasn't in any pain and had full movement I suppose I would go on. If your young you never know what miracles of science lye a few years down the road, so I would try to remain hopeful that science will catch up to the problem. I already know what its like to have severe depression and constant anxiety. It would suck to have impotence though, but there is always Viagra!

 

[ace]

Tac I do suffer from Severe Depression or Major Depression I guess that's the same,Bi Polar,Ocd,Bdd and have had severe problem's with Anxiety also.Yes each day is a battle and maybe somehow strength and courage has probably been a major factor why I'm still here,some how I've still managed to hang on after so much suffering.

 

[Taciturn]

I suppose... But what if your problems were deeper than severe depression... what if your brain was damaged in such a way that it was impossible to feel normal again... What if you received absolutely zero pleasurable sensations from sex, and there was no legitimate possibility of recovery? What if your ears were ringing 24 hours a day, reminding you of your stupidity in trusting a doctor to prescribe a medication? What if you received no pleasure at all in everyday activities, and there was really nothing in this world, no amount of love or money or success that could make you feel normal? What if you had experienced a brain that functioned normally throughout most of your life, and suddenly, in a matter of days, it was taken away from you? I've waited almost five years, and haven't recovered at all... I've tried fooling myself into leading a normal life, but it's not working anymore.

 

[painsource]

What medication did this?

 

[~CazzaAngel~]

that did happen to me and I just keep fighting it.







xx


something specific happen hun?

:hug:

xxx

 

[James Mayo]

yep was it the drugs that caused the problems to begin with?

I think that most drugs we use in society cause brain damage and I think that the psychiatric drugs are possibly the worst at causing brain damage, the end result is a permanent state of depression and a lot of aging of mind and body.

 

[Taciturn]

The drug was Accutane - a drug I didn't need at all - went to a dermatologist looking for skin cream because I had a couple of zits - he prescribed it because he was an unethical asshole hurting for money, and I'd have to go back frequently for checkups if I went on it. He hid the side effects (didn't show me a consent form) and put me on a high dose. Pharmacist also conveniently forgot to give me a warning sheet. Took it for 2 days and haven't been the same since. I really can't stand the thought that I did this to myself -- I can't stand the thought of looking at all of the normal, undamaged people in the world and knowing that I will never be like them again. Yes, the drug was the cause of the problems, and even though I think I liked life, I really did, I can't keep going. I wanted to grow old, find someone, get a dog and a house, and be happy and content with myself -- but I see that this will never happen. I've made a lot of money this year, but no amount of money will make me feel right. No amount of love or success in this world will make my life worth living.

 

[James Mayo]

How have you kept going for 5 years?

I have been affected in a similar but more vicious manner by a psychiatrist who didn't warn me of the side effects, and I only took the drug once called solian, and got akathisia, permanent restlessness. From then on my descent has been unstoppable, I sleep 1 hour a night, every drug that I try to help my condition makes me worse not better with increasing side effects that never dissapear.

Do you think that these doctors sometimes try to cause harm?

 

[Taciturn]

I've kept going because I thought there was a slight chance that I would get better - or that I would find someone who would be able to treat me. I also thought that there was some chance that I would redefine my life and learn to live with these problems. I don't want to do it anymore though. I just want to get revenge and then die.

I doubt doctors intentionally cause damage like this - I just think they underestimate the damage that drugs can do, and don't really care or understand when someone is permanently damaged.

 

[James Mayo]

yes I noticed that when I went to the doctors with my symptoms they barely even flinched, and some just turned me away saying there was nothing wrong! I guess they have also seen people suffer like us before and know that it usually ends with suicide eventually.

I have been taking progressive medicines too, but each one fails to work and usually adds some extra nasty side effects fo me to cope with, which will surely wear me down faster than you.

When you think about it dying from cancer seems easy, it all being over in a number of months. Then dying in a car accident or other accident seems relatively easy, even being burned alive in one's house as happened to a paralyzed man last week. Being cruicified only takes 48 hours.

But how long have we been suffering on our way to death, much much longer.

 

[James Mayo]

maybe you can turn your life around though, you have coped with it for 5 years, and you must have had some pleasure in that time, or otherwise you would have been here sooner.

 

[Taciturn]

I don't experience pleasure, ever -- I admit that I am in no physical pain, unlike you -- I just can't stand watching everyone else live normal lives -- while I know why i can't, and it's partially my fault.

 

[James Mayo]

well at least you have you cognitive functions don't you? or are you an insomniac yet?

ok i see now, you have lost the pleasure part of your brain, i am losing everything else as well!

take heart from my situation and live for a lot longer, the alternative is nothing, so you may as well do something while you are here. Go and watch a movie or take in a view. I am also going blind, so enjoy your eyes, even if they don't give you pleasure at least they work.