Depression Affecting Relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by jms, Feb 5, 2014.

  1. jms

    jms Banned Member

    Okay, I'll warn y'all now, this may be a lengthy post.

    So, I have been with the most amazing woman for just over 15 months. We met rther unexpectedly, on Craigslist of all places. It was a one off deal..I was lonely and had a quick look, where I stumbled on her post and contacted her with the tiniest bit of hope, yet not expecting a response. She responded quickly, we hit it off, and met within a couple days. As a typical lesbian couple, we moved quickly..I packed up and moved to her place 15 days after we made the relationship official.

    Anyway, enough of that. My reason for posting is, I'm curious at what point one should reveal their past to a partner. I did not tell my girlfriend about my mental health issues at length until very recently. I told her I jad been depressed, but that was it. I didn't mention the countless attempts, self-harm, or hospitalizations in the beginning, mostly because I was afraid of what she would think and how she would react. I have, in the past, told partners early on, and some even knew before we started dating but obviously those didn't end well. In fact, my mental health seems to ALWAYS destroy my relationships and that is why I refused to tell her.

    I was practically forced to tell her about nearly everything recently because the cops were called to my house due to seone feeling I was in danger of committing suicide. They showed up at 4 AM, knocking on my door and waking up all four people who were sleeping, myself included. Six cops in the living room isn't the nicest thing to wake up to, so I may have been a bit rude and aggressive. Anyway, the female cop asked to speak to me away from the others, and on the way to a separate room, I broke down, leaning on my girlfriend and crying to the point that I couldn't breathe. Of course that threw her off as she didn't really know why the cops were there in the first place. We went in the room, and I talked to both of them, convincing the cops to leave me alone for the night.

    After they left. My girlfriend and I talked more, and that's when I told her more of my history. I still don't think she knows everything, but more than I wanted her to. She reaponded well, which was a nice surprise. She also told me she had an idea already, because she snooped on my Facebook and texts.

    I have so many questions now, and none of them are easily answered to me.

    How do you tell your partner that you don't want things to change because of the situation/your mental health? She has been acting a bit different-some good, some bad. She told me the other night that our roommate said it's obvious that I love her very much and my actions prove it, but it doesn't always seem like she loves me. I guess she is trying harder, but I never really thought she acted otherwise. Sunday night, we had a little...squabble, if you will..which ended in tears. She actually held me, put her fingers through my hair, and comforted me physically and with words. Later, she held me, rubbed my back, and sang me a song (I love to hear her sing). It was nice, as that's not the norm.

    Does she have a right to snoop? I know she's worried, but just as she expects me to speak to her, she shoild speak to me, right? I hate the snooping because it reminds me of my childhood, where my step father would search the entirety of my room and backpack, looking for anything he didn't like.

    Should I tell her everything or let it just kinda happen when/if the subject comes up? I am already afraid that things are changing, like she feels sorry for me. That is never something I have wanted, and I don't want her to feel like she has to babysit/watch me at all times. She has already stated her fear of losing me..coming home to find that I'm gone or I've killed myself. I guess that's a legitimate fear..I don't know. She is one of very few things that actually keeps me going, keeps me from attempting. Yes, I've told her that too.

    Again, I apologize for the rambling and lengthy post. I hope it sort of makes sense...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It does make sense and it is a hard decision to how much you tell. I think for me i would take it day my day and not overwhelm the person im with She knows now you have some problems but we all do hun. If she ask you something then get into it but that is me I think she looks on facebook not to snoop but to make sure you are ok and if you are honest with her each day of how you are feeling then she won't have to look elsewhere right hugs to you