Depression and Anxiety - Help!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SunnierWolf, Jul 3, 2016.

  1. SunnierWolf

    SunnierWolf Member

    This is my first post so I'm not to sure how this all works, but I'm going to give expressing my feelings a go.

    When I was 14, I was diagnosed with general anxiety, depression, social anxiety and ADHD and am currently on Medication for ADHD and sertraline for the anxiety and depression. I have tried coming of the anti-depressants various times as I don't like the side effects of feeling tired and lack of energy. I started on 100mg which went to 200mg a few months ago when I started struggling again. I have tapered down to just 25mg a day and I feel very emotionally drained and quite suicidal to be honest. I'm having lots of problems in my relationship and I'm in the process of finding a job and I just feel like every day is a challenge to get through!

    My boyfriend is 17 years older than me and we keep arguing over petty things, jealously ect.. We split up every week then get back together and I can't move on from it! The relationship is so tense and we need to split up but we can't let each other go!! It's horrible, how do I let him go?? :'(

    My family has a history of mental illness and my brother who is 15 is struggling lots with social anxiety and getting out the house to socialise. He has recently tried killing himself and has self harmed which is upsetting to see.

    I feel like suicide is the only way out and I wouldn't think twice about killing myself if it didn't effect my family but I couldn't put them through that again. I have attempted overdose twice and rushed to hospital. I just don't value my life, I just want to sleep all day and stay in a shell. I find it hard talking about it so keep it bottled up inside, I don't have any friends because of my social anxiety, I feel awkward around people and when I speak out loud I go bright red which is so embarrassing, it stops me going out! How do I stop the blushing??? It's ruining my life.
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sunnier, so sorry you are feeling so down. I totally get it with the meds. They don't always help. And the side effects can be rough. It can also be very rough coming off of them. Have you talked to your doctor about other alternatives. There are many meds out there. The one I have found most helpful is a low dose tranquilizer. But then you cannot take it very often as it is highly addictive. But just knowing I have them around if I REALLY need them brings some comfort.

    How long have you and your boyfriend been together? 17 years is a big age difference. And your frequent breakups to that and it might be worthwhile evaluating if this is the right man for you. My parents pulled it off with a 13 year age difference, but it is difficult.

    I am sorry to hear about your brother. But am glad that you have been able to see the pain his attempt caused. Knowing how much suicide hurts those left behind can really discourage suicide. It saves lives. Social anxiety is brutal. I spend most of my time alone because of it. But being alone is rough too. As far as blushing, don't worry about it. I remember doing a practice job interview with a group of people. I turned all red. The leader of the group, a psychologist, said that it is a normal reaction for some people. Don't know why. But it is certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
  3. SunnierWolf

    SunnierWolf Member

    I just want to be off meds so I don't have to rely on them...I will speak to my doctor to see if there are alternatives with less side effects!
    I have been with him 9 months and spent every day with him! That's probably why we argue a lot!! I split up with him today but already miss him and want to call him. It's my first heartbreak, and i don't know how I I'll cope! What can I do to make sure I don't text him or call him, I need to move on :(