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depression and saving face

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by palmtrees, Oct 14, 2008.

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  1. palmtrees

    palmtrees Well-Known Member

    It's interesting that the more depressed or the more lonely you become, the more people want nothing to do with you, which makes you even more depressed and lonely, which makes people like you less, and on and on. I've actually gotten pretty good at hiding it from having so much practice. People who see me everyday think I'm a friendly happy person with a great sense of humor. I often wonder what their reaction would be if they found out I killed myself.

    This is why so many people are baffled and surprised when someone they know commits suicide, because they didn't see what that person was going through, the person hid it. They HAD to in order to fit in. Basically your options are to be depressed and have everyone know it but no one likes you, or be depressed and hide it and people like you but think you're the exact opposite of how you really are.
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Good friends don't mind if you're depressed, and they'll be as supportive as they can [which, admittedly, is not very, but it's the thought that counts... right?]. Most "friends" are only concerned with their own happiness, and suicidal people don't exactly bring warmth to people's hearts.
  3. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    'friends', who needs 'em?.

    everything you said is true, friendship and depression is a horribly vicious cycle
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    By hiding it you aren't being honest with yourself. It makes it harder to fight off the negative thoughts that cause depression. If your friends stand by you then they are true friends, if they just fade away then you didn't need there negative thoughts on top of yours. I don't feel quite right discussing this with you because the only friends I have are here at the forum. In the real world I have pushed everyone away from me years ago. I have isolated for the last 15 years with no outside contact. Hell I live at my sisters house and I don't even talk to her that much. If she wants to talk to me she has to come in my bedroom where I spend all my time, and sit on the edge of my bed and talk. I still think you need to come out of the closet and tell your friends. Just prepare yourself because those who don't understand are going to walk. Take Care~Joseph~
  5. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    Life is an act then. If you stop lieing/acting, you disappoint people. It's a sure fire way to find out who will cut & run, and who will stay at your side. The whole social game is just that - a game. Know the rules, play the game, and you don't have to reveal your most vulnerable side.
  6. Yeah - I hear ya loud and clear (welcome to the forum btw). The irony of it all is just another pain to deal with. But you sure do have some insight palmtree...

    I've lost several along the way. Some I simple learned to accept letting go of. And some still really hurt. I've never been one to call just anyone 'a friend' and tried my best to be one to them too - even if I was in sorry shape a lot. Sometimes the best case scenario is accepting that. And don't by any means yet give up on meeting new people. After all, you're here...

  7. I understand when it comes to things going roundin circles.

    If you died they would be devastated.. You don't need to commit suicide to know that but even if they don't show it now hole on to the thought.

    We would all be devastated.

    Welcome to the site :hug:
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    If having friends is very important to you, then it is better to pretend to be a happy person and not tell them that you're depressed. Most people, unless they truly care about you, will cut and run when they hear that you're depressed, probably because they think that you will make them depressed. Getting help is important though.
  9. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    it is very awkward to be suicidally depressed and have everyone know about it.. it isnt good. niether choice looks appealing..
  10. palmtrees

    palmtrees Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all the welcomes.:smile:

    It's nice to see that so many folks here "get" this topic. The thing is that even if you start meeting new people, it takes a long time to get to the point where you're close enough to talk about all that. If it's just someone you hang out with once in awhile, that's a lot different than someone who considers you a close friend. Also, the people YOU consider to be close friends might not feel the same way. Also, people can be extremely hypocritical, for example they think it's ok for them to tell you about their problems but when the reverse happens they act like you've crossed a line. I try to look for the good in everybody and I'm not someone who thinks I'm better than everyone else, but in my experience people almost never show the same amount of compassion to me that I give to them, it's like they hold everyone else to a higher standard than themselves.
  11. That is so sadly true that i almost laughed out loud when I read it!! But it's 1:30 here and don't wanna wake up the neighbours :wink:

    It sounds to some (mainly outside 'this' circle) when you say such things that you are being superior or judgemental. But if you observe human nature long enough (and it's a lifetime job) -- if YOU'RE bummed, it's a pity party. And if they can't "instantly cheer you up" with some platitude or another, well then YOU'RE just being negative and stubborn, wot?

    But true compassion is not necessarily about "cheering someone up" - not to me it ain't. But just "being there with them", trying to walk a mile in someone else's shoes, and really sometimes only listening carefully to what another is trying to convey --not in fact actually needing to say much if anything at all...

    (But I guess that's another part of human nature is that silence makes them uncomfortable - you know what? LIVE with IT! :tongue:)
  12. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what you mean. I told my friend how I was feeling and that I had lost count of the amount of times I have tried. This was at the beginning of sept. I hve not heard from her since. I have to make any effort and so I cant be bothered with it.
  13. lou-kate

    lou-kate New Member

    I think I understand how you feel about this. That is why I read forums like this, to feel less alone. I don't want to worry my family, I have avoided my friends for so long they are finally leaving me alone, which is easier, but also very sad. I am ashamed of how I feel, and can just about hide it in the day and in company, but I need lots of time on my own to cope in private.

    I have tried telling people and stuff, years ago, but it just made things worse and there comes a point when people don't want to hear it anymore and just want you to be better. I hate feeling alone, but I crave it too, if that makes any sense.
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