Depression because of a girl I love

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Ryan_N, Apr 18, 2007.

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  1. Ryan_N

    Ryan_N Member

    There is a girl that I love.

    She has a boyfriend that she has been with for over 6 months now.
    He treats her like absolute crap and it really brings her down all the time. She doesn't want to end the relationship though because she feels like they have shared too many special things together that it would just be pointless to start over with someone new. She said she still loves him even though he treats her badly and it's like a spell he has her under. We started talking to eachother not too long ago and we became really close to eachother. We both loved eachother and we still do. She wanted her boyfriend to dump her so she could go out with me and so he wouldn't care what she did after that. She doesn't want to dump him also because he would fall apart without her he has told her. She always puts other people before herself so she doesn't want to hurt him but she also doesn't want to hurt me by making nothing happen between us. Her boyfriend is not going to dump her anytime soon because he has already made plans for years from now and he really loves her, and she does love him too. She is confused and her life is complicated right now because she is dealing with many family issues and other things on top of this.

    I just wanted her to be happy and make her life easier so I told her that she should just stick with her current boyfriend and that we should just be friends. It's not what I wanted and it's not what she wanted but I knew I had to do it in order to make her life better. But now I feel dead without her. I feel like I can never love another person right now because I am still very emotionally attached to her and she's the only person I love right now. I get deep pains in my chest everytime I think about the situation and it just hurts to see her with her boyfriend at school or even just her alone. I know that this isn't something serious like most topics on this forum but it's the worst thing for me currently going on. I don't know what to do anymore because I don't want to let go but I know that it is probably the smart thing to do. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to let go.

    What should I do?
  2. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    from :

    "Time. Letting yourself grieve and actually being ok with that. Not forcing yourself to get over someone. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, cry, write about it, listen to sad songs. Soon you will feel so tired from hurting all of the time. You will be ready to move forward. Doing this without contact of the person you love is best. Anyone that will still see you, sleep with you, and spend time with you, knowing they don't love you, and knowing how you feel, is selfish. Everyone deserves more than that. You can't force love out of your heart so don't try, that just hurts worse and you end up lying to yourself. You are human for loving, but you have to love yourself more. I do agree with comments on staying busy, friends and family also help. Casual dating can backfire however, because if the dates don't go well, it will just make you miss the person you love even more. Pray, and remember the good times but learn from the bad. Don't you want, one day, to be truly happy? Life is to short to give up the chance of true love for yourself. Go out into the world and continue to be the wonderful person that you are. Someone will see this, and love you just as much as you are capable of loving. "
  3. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

  4. Smythe

    Smythe Well-Known Member

    I think you did the right thing in letting her go.

    I also agree with some of the things in angelo_91 's post.
    It's one of the worst answers to give, no one wants to sit and suffer,
    but all you need is time. Time away from her is best.
  5. Ryan_N

    Ryan_N Member

    It's hard to just sit here and try to forget all about it though because she is all I think about. She was the only thing in my life that made me happy. Without her, I feel like the world offers me nothing.
  6. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    if you search for books about relationships and picking up girls, you will find the info why girls choose one guy over the nicer guy. hope, you have the time and money to read some expert advice. don't let anyone know that you are reading. they will frown. so i book cover those books.
  7. Ryan_N

    Ryan_N Member

    today, she said that it is a good idea that we just stayed friends and she told me how much she loved him even though he treats her like shit and... i guess it's over for good now... i feel rly down about it but i feel like i need to move on this time and not wait for her anymore, it's done this time.
  8. 1up

    1up Member

    i've been in ur shoes man and all i gotta say is fuck it and move on. I mean, she isn't the only woman on this earth, and with you being by her side is just gonna put you in the "friends" zone which is something you don't want if you wanna be her "boyfriend".

    trust me, i went through that phase with this chick in highschool only to be used as doormat for her "emotional feelings".. only to realize that I was an idiot lol

    you're not her mother man... ur a man!! don't be that "nice guy"...start talkin to other chicks and i'm sure if you ignore her enough..u'll get that chick's attention..cuz right now looks like shes makin u her "bitch" ... no offense man

    and with this "i love this girl" stuff... i think ur more lusting her than love.. because thats the same type of thing i did.. listening to her advice to her

    blah blah "why do all the guys treat me like crap... i really want a nice guy" <-- this line is bullshit man.. so move on before its too late....plennnnnnty of chicks out there dude! good luck!
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 28, 2007
  9. paranoidxe

    paranoidxe Well-Known Member

    unfortunately girls (I assume in the 16-21 stage) are attracted to the bad boys for some reason.

    I'm not sure of your age, but really I wouldn't even worry about girls until you are in your mid 20s..there just really isn't a point..girls your age don't even know what they want (well MOST).

    I know it seems like there is no other girls out there, but trust me there are PLENTY of girls..there is really no point in getting worked up over one girl..just go out and have fun.
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