Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Amber Rolph, Apr 4, 2016.
Depression destroyed my relationship I'm going to kill myself <mod edit - method request>
Welcome @Amber Rolph to the forum. I'm sorry that it destroyed your relationship. What about reaching out for help?
Welcome to the forum, Amber. I'm sorry to hear what happened.
Do you think it would help you if you opened up a bit more about what has been going on?
My partner walked out 3-4 weeks ago without saying anything I went to get the keys to stop him driving off and he hit me. He was arrested and charged and the court date is 27th of may he has bail conditions not to contact me. He said he doesn't wanna see our son and he doesn't wanna get back together I don't know why he left I'm assuming it's due to my depression. I haven't actually spoken to him my mum has and this is what he told her. I haven't stayed at our house I moved into my mums I can't be in that house with Andrew our son has autism he doesn't like change and I feel terrible I can't make him feel okay he doesn't even talk he can't ask where is Dad. My mum has had enough of me this is the second night she hasn't come back she says she is sick of me crying all the time and talking about Andrew. So yeah feels really good knowing my own mother don't wanna be around to help me.... I'm supposed to 15 weeks pregnant I'm supposed to be telling everyone how happy me and Andrew are but I'm not . All I think about is suicide all I wanna do is die I can't stand this pain in my head . I can't be okay again with Andrew . I'm not even worried about pain I just wanna go and this all be finished with. I know I'm ill but I'm no good to William like this <Mod Edit:Methods>
Suicide is not the answer.
I'm sort for what happened, and I know things are hard right now.
Like @BlackUnderground said you don't know what might happen in court.
And in time your son will find a routine again and feel better. I know he doesn't like changes but he will adjust.
Please be kind to yourself. Are you getting any professional help to get you through this? Are you talking to a therapist or counselor? Are you getting any medication to make things easier for you?
Please take care of yourself. You deserve that hun.
Well before my mum spoke to Andrew I took myself to the doctors last week and got medication for my depression but when I found out he has no interest in seeing William or getting back together I've stopped taking them. It took everything in me to go to the doctors. I don't feel there's any point in getting better now. There's no hope. I know I sound like a an awful person I'm so desperate
Aside from your son being a pretty good reason to get better, you are the best reason to get better. You deserve to no sit around crying and being miserable all the time, that is not a life that anybody wants. But it can be treated so that things are bearable and when things are bearable you will be able to take steps to make things better. It is not usually "don;'t want life" , the problem is "do not want a life that feels like this". If you have medication and then intentionally stopped taking it to make sure you do not feel better then yes, it would upset those around you that are hurt because you hurt. When people that love you are wanting you to feel better and you intentionally make certain it does not (it is a fairly common method of self harm) it does make it difficult for them to knwo what to say or do. You have the ability to make choices that can make you feel better and then to make decisions about your life and your the life your son has based on proper perspective. Maybe it will work, maybe it will not, but if the choice is to sit and cry endlessly or try something that can make life better (and possibly in process make people want to be around you again) why not try?