Depression due to lack of sexual activity...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AlexKeller, May 13, 2010.

  1. AlexKeller

    AlexKeller Member

    I'm sure we've all suffered from this.
    I'm wondering...If you were able to get over it, without you know, having sex, how did you go about it?
     
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Handling things myself of course :lol!:
     
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I have never had sex, and never will.

    You deal with it. No magic trick or method to make it okay.
     
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    nothing is helping me at all.
    It's been almost a year. -____-
    ...dying. XD

    I'm not the type of person who can go out and do it with someone else though. I've only had one bf, we were together for 8 years and he was my only partner. I can't really imagine doing it with anyone else... so I guess that means I'll eventually just have to get over it.
    no advice for you, here-- sorry!
     
  5. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    It's hardly ever the actual intercourse that supposedly makes people feel depressed; it's often the lack of affection in general. If you're at a lack of hugs and feeling loved, cared about, wanted (which are not exclusive to sex), then you're likely to become depressed.

    So, if you're so horny, use toys. If you're depressed, find friends to hug you and love you everyday. Affection is actually a biological need that's required for survival; like food, water, shelter, and defense. It's a shame how people still think it's lack of the intercourse that's making them sad.

    I'm willing to bet that there are thousands of prostitutes on the streets every night getting plenty of sex who feel depressed, so it can't be the lack of sex itself. I think what you want is a loving relationship where you actually feel wanted and loved.
     
  6. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Yea I think you're right on this one.
     
  7. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    ]

    but i get that from my parents
     
  8. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    As my roommate last term put it so eloquently, "that's a different kind of love" lol.
     
  9. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member


    i think PB specifically mentioned the need of affection, getting hugs, and the feeling of being loved, wanted and cared about. all of which i have. but anyway, what then differentiates *that kind of love* from the love of a family member or friend, if not for sex? sorry for my ignorance, as i previously mentioned ive never had a bf. im just curious.
     
  10. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    I've never had a gf so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe the more experienced members on the forum can shed some light.
     
  11. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I often think it's because the love/affection from your family is an unconditional sort of love. Whereas the love/affection from your friends or a partner is because they CHOOSE to love you.
     
  12. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I would say try medication. Fluoxetine has killed my sex drive and to be honest I couldn't be happier about that right now because I am single and there's no way I'd be interested in casual sex, so it's great that I don't have to even think about sex. I figure if I did that'd just be one more thing to add to the list.
    Although I have to agree with P.B... I am still missing the love and affection from a partner and that is never going to go.
     
  13. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    By different kind of love, it means one other than the unconditional love and affection you feel from your parents, because you're never going to be as intimate with them as having the prospect of being with someone who was once a stranger to you who has grown to love you. For instance, one can feel differently being in even a sexually abstinent relationship, as many young unmarried couples do, and still feel that intimacy and affection.

    The problem is when people associate, exclusively, the act of sex with being loved. It couldn't be further from the truth. So, when they lack the sex, they then associate that with lacking what they mistakenly perceived it to mean.
     
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    For those of you who are virgins. I highly recommend staying that way. Having sex activated my sex drive and has been making my depression worse when I don't get any. Ah to not know what I am missing.
     
  15. doggytears

    doggytears Active Member

    (Caveat: possible &tl-dr)

    This is a I thread I can _REALLY_ relate to and I'm eager to offer my 2 cents.
    This might be a wee bit long. :)

    As far as the affection/being-cared-about part is concerned, I subscribe to a different school of thought.
    I believe that wanting affection or platonic love is unrelated to raw sexual desire. Here is my reasoning:
    I'm a super-recluse: I do everything I can to avoid people:
    1. I take the longer aisle at work to avoid saying "Hi" to people.
    2. Sneak out for lunch and dinner because I like eating alone.
    3. Walk down the stairs instead of taking the elevator if I see someone I know
    4. Keep changing my phone and email each time I move to a new city, just so that my "friends" can't find me anymore.
    5. Refuse to talk to my parents or my sister (much to their consternation)

    My point is that even though I do not crave for affection or hugs, I am helpless in battling sexual desire.
    When I was in college I found it very hard to concentrate on tests and examinations because of the mad sexual urge driving me nuts.
    My grades fell and I ended up performing abysmally in academics - A huge contrast to school.
    I became so obsessed and desperate that at times I considered a round-the-world-trip just to visit countries where p*os****tion was legal.
    In recent days I've been trying to brainwash myself into believing that I don't mind being a virgin for as _long_ as I live.

    Things that have worked for me in battling sexual desire:
    The most obvious methods of self-gratification do have their merits,
    but they are flawed in their approach unless thoroughly regimented and
    institutionalized into a daily routine.

    1. Having a long shower really helps: Alternating bouts of hot and cold water
    for around 15-20 minutes seems to purge physical desire for at least 1 hour.
    2. While preparing for examinations, letting off steam after lunch, before dinner and before sleep (important)
    worked very well for me. Basically, I try to create 3-4 hour time spans when I can study and work without being distracted.
    3. Chatting with a person of the opposite gender on the internet: This really helps. Trust me.
    Far from making you feel desperate, it has a soothing, calming influence.
    4. "Art is therapeutic" reads a forum on SF. This is very true. Sketching, writing and playing musical instruments can really soothe you and keep you distracted.
    5. Avoid possible triggers: Remember that uber-fancy shopping mall where the hottest babes/guys
    in town are found? Call me a pessimist, but I would strongly recommend staying away.
    6. Splurging on cash/good food/gadgets - This seems to alleviate desire considerably.

    I wish our biology wasn't so deeply rooted into our minds.
    I break down at least twice a day trying to control and bring some order about the house.
    One second I'm a cantankerous misanthropist and the next,
    I'm chatting on yet another random site sweet-talking a random girl when I'd rather be doing something else.

    YEAAAAAAARGGGGH!! :lost:
     
  16. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    sex does NOT equal love, as i learned the hard way.. but to girls especially sex can equal being vulnerable and open to someone, so maybe that is what some of you are craving? It sounds like a lot of people here are wanting a person that they can confide in without being turned away, which is like being vulnerable and open to someone too. Dont know if that made sense to anyone, but it did in my head lol
     
  17. suicidal maniac

    suicidal maniac Well-Known Member

    We have a need to be wanted and needed sexually. If this feel is unfulfield, we get depressed. Perfectly normal. Just remember anything can happen.
     
  18. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    love yourself. it's far better than anything else, and like the other said it might not be sex you want, but love, and care.

    which to me means lots of good food, sleep, showers, and bed with me in it only. that was and has been far better than any sex i've had.
     
  19. Murkury

    Murkury Member

    ANSWER!!!!

    Its called 'intimacy'. We need someone to be intimate with, sex is part of this but not all of it.
    We need Mates. - not the English kind but the Animal kind.
    Just to be with them is enough. Cuddle, hug, etc....

    And I've heard from many people that once you have sex you basically need it and start going mad with out it.

    Its easier for women to cope then it is for men to cope.
    So if your a man it sucks. If your a woman is sucks too, but not as much.
     
  20. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    ah... you've got it! XD
    I hadn't thought of wording it that way because I tend to associate sex with love, intimacy and loyalty << then again; that's not the case for alot of people, is it? I'm not the type who believes in casual sex. I can't imagine having sex with anyone other than my ex- honestly; and that is what makes me crazy... he'll never have me again, so I'm alone forever.

    ...like a penguin, I guess. lol