Depression, Exhaustion?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by flowerpot, Aug 15, 2008.

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  1. flowerpot

    flowerpot Well-Known Member

    This year things have been a fair bit better in some ways, or at least different, but for the past almost two weeks I've just been feeling so depressed, or something. I can't really tell, but I just feel so glum, and empty. Not really so suicidal, like the depression hasn't made me think of suicide, more other things.. if that makes sense.. People ask what's wrong and I can't even explain it, sometimes it's just no reason. But basically, there are reasons, I think.. just mankind, the sad realisation that everyone is far too judgemental and no matter what I'm never going to be good enough for anyone, people are always going to treat me like a piece of nothing. I feel invisible, only I wish I actually was. It's like I could walk out of a room and people wouldn't notice me, no one thinks of me in any situation, that probably sounds selfish I don't expect people to think about me.. I don't know. Seeing everyone else seem so happy and getting on with their lives.. I'm happy for them, but it makes me realise how useless and pathetic I am. Everyone else talking about relationships, going out etc. having lives basically, I just feel like I have none of that, because I don't, then I feel uncomfortable because I'm not nearly as good as them and shouldn't even be around them. I don't know why those kind of people would bother with someone like me. I'm getting anxious over silly things, and feeling so stressed. I tried sososo hard to get into the school I'm in this year, and did, but the school is very serious about attendance, and keep saying they don't have to accept people next year, it's their choice, and my attendance.. isn't so great.. and it will seem like the end of the world if I don't get in next year, I will be a failure, my parents will be very disappointed. I can try to fix this.. but anxiety still makes it all.. blah.. And recently lots of bad things have been happening. I've really realised how screwed up my family is, and it scares me, discovering that even the ones I thought were okay.. aren't.. everyone is messed up, and it truly scares me. One night I woke up at 4:50am to hear loud thumps.. I actually thought someone was getting bashed to death.. it sure sounded like it.. even police came.. and there is a hole in a wall in my house.. I'm worried about everyone.. and then I'm realllly worried about school. I'm one of those people who have no idea what I want to do, no idea at all. Everyone goes "you must have some idea!" and everyone else knows what they want... but I just don't.. I have no hobbies or talents, but I think I've worked out which subjects to pick, hmm.. but anyway I needed to get this out.. I really just want to hear something that'll help, in any form :sad: and.. with depression, is it normal to start feeling very exhausted? Because recently i've been going to bed earlier and actually getting almost a decent amount of sleep, but I wake up absolutely.. feeling like death.. I'm so tired, and I shouldn't be.. I'm usually up till 2am or so, but now I'm tired and going to be at 12-1 which would normally seem early for me.. I've had a cough/breathing problems for weeks now.. and I've noticed I keep getting nose bleeds.. it is winter here.. it seems like everythings falling apart :sad:
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Your post has evoked so many responses...I think we teach ppl how to treat us...ppl are not all good or bad, all happy or depressed...they just look that way when we are in the throws of what is happening to us...I think the best way to not seem invisible is to give yourself permission to express who you are...I think it is best to select a compassionate audience to start with...once you have been 'heard', you no longer remain invisible...all the best, J
     
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