I have the house to myself for the next 3 hours, and have really been thinking of killing myself, I just don't feel like I can face another week tomorrow. Every day is like a huge battle to get through the day. But I also know today even though I am thinking about it so much and keep sobbing here to myself, that I can't go through with it, and I'm thinking maybe I should get some help finally for my depression. I am wondering can I get medication for depression just from my regular family doctor that I see for physical medical problems, but that I've never talked about with for my depression or mental problems. And does medication help at all, or from hearing side effects, I may just feel more suicidal? I just don't have money to see a psychiatrist (plus it is embarrassing to me). And I've held off getting help because keeping planning on killing myself anyways so why worry about it, and because I am so broke, getting help would just add to my problems by having even less money. And thinking of seeing if can get FMLA for the problem, since there are just some days i can't force myself to go to work, but with calling in too much i am risking getting fired, which makes me more depressed. It's a vicious cycle going on in my life.