I don't know what to do anymore. I've been in and out of hospitals for years now. Now that I'm 18 I feel there is no hope fore me. I'm scared. My mom might be kicking me out; well is, unless I changed. Why can't she love me for who I am? The rest of my family has pretty much disowned me, refusing to talk to me. My dads loves his girlfriend, that he has only known for a year, more than me. Oh, he told me that by the way. My sister is developmentaly delayed. I would not have her any other way. She is non-verbal. It hurts me that she cannot tell me she loves me. I love her more than anything in the world. I feel I have no one but her and my boyfriend. I'm tired of hurting others. I'm tired of hurting myself. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I'm a horrible person and I feel I can no longer live with what I've done, what I am doing, what I will do in the futur. I'm a lost cause. In the end. I look at all of this, and say to myself. "I don't have it all that bad, why am I hurting so much. Why do I want to end my life so badly?"