Depression in relationships

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Ed., May 7, 2009.

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  1. Ed.

    Ed. Well-Known Member

    So I'm seeing somebody, kinda had a thing for each other for 6 months (usual story me being moody and not acting on it) but anyway, now it's getting serious.

    Thing is she's as much of a mess as I am, if not more. We both agreed if things were to go further it would be messy, like really MESSY. (It already has been), But worth it. I think I've left these thoughts too late, as I've fallen for her pretty hard (again) (and damn I told myself I wouldn't get close to anyone).

    Actually these thought's hit me when we pretty much hit that suicidal point simultaneously (stressful work thing happened) (students). Saw in the news paper some depressed lesbian couple killed themselves, kinda weird, and worrying.

    But anyway, what are peoples thoughts? I'm sure I'm not the only one in this situation. Any replies and thoughts are welcomed as usual and I'd love to here some stories from people about their experiences if anybody has any to share. :)

    I could talk for hours about this, thought I'd keep it short though, if anyone wants to know more I can elaborate. Hmmm that sounds weird. Whatever, look forward to replies :)
     
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    It's very hard to overcome. I've been there! In my situation, we were both depressed, but started to rebuild our lives together and had a great relationship for a couple of years. Eventually it didn't work out, but we both went on to find others, so I think its worth it and maybe you'll both come up together.
     
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I haven't been in that exact situation, but I agree that it's probably worth it. Maybe the two of you can help each other, keep each other strong through the tough times and support each other.

    I can see how it could be really difficult though. I think the main thing you have to be sure of is that you aren't bringing each other down.
     
  4. Ed.

    Ed. Well-Known Member

    Oh yes she's worth it alright :)
     
  5. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    May aswell go for it dude, sounds like you're both on a similar wavelength. It could get messy when one shows massive health improvement, while the other remains the same. As long as neither of you play around behind eachothers backs, or lie through your teeth, or do antagonistic stuff like be close friends with ex's, etc, then you'll be fine. I suppose both parties can be angels, but a spike is always poised at the others heart. That's modern r'ships for you, good luck!
     
  6. DiscoverPeaceOfMind

    DiscoverPeaceOfMind Active Member

    Two things I'd suggest...
    1. Keep getting close to people and throw out the old 'I wont get close to people again' line. It's better to love and maybe feel some pain, than just feel the pain of loneliness. But you are close to her now so congrats on defying yourself. lol.

    2. She has a trait or an attribute that unconsciously attracted you to her. What is it? And ask her what trait or attribute you have that attracted her to you.
    The trait or attribute that attracts is one that you have unconsciously suppressed in yourself during infancy. It is often also identified by the question, "If you could gain a trait or attribute what would you want?".

    So, let's say you liked her 'independence' - just as an example. I could absolutely 200% guarantee without doubt say that you would also like to be 'indepenant' and at the moment you are 'dependant'. Plug in your own traits. The pattern is as regular as clockwork.

    And here's the key...whatever that trait is that you want...go out and practice using it, even if it generates fear...coz after you do it 10 times, it becomes something normal for you to do....and you will gain immense fulfillment.

    If you don't do it...what attracts eventually repels. So if you like her 'independence' and you don't practice being 'independent', you will eventually resent her for her 'independence'.

    And all the suppressed traits are ONE of the contributing factors to depression. So if you bring them up, face the discomfort, in the long run you gain lots.

    Hope it helps.
     
  7. Ed.

    Ed. Well-Known Member

    hmmm i think we just had our first fall-out, and i have no1 to talk to. this is shit. and i hurt myself. which isnt good. i under-estimated messy.
     
  8. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member


    What happened Ed?
    PM me if you need to talk or msn if you like?
    I might be able to offer some advice or just be an ear.
     
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