Depression is me.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Britt, Oct 30, 2011.

  1. Britt

    Britt Well-Known Member

    For a lack of a better topic liner.

    I dont even know where to start. I cant even get people to like me on the internet. That is how...socially awkward and stupid I am.

    I feel bad because I dont even visit this forum much. I only come here to vent my feelings. I do that on my blog but no one ever comes to give me advice. I'm not sure I really deserve any affection or advice or friendship of any kind.

    Anyways about the "depressions is me" headline. I cant ever really remember being constantly happy as a child. In fact I pulled out a journal from when I was little and read it. I could hardly make out the atrocious hand writing of mine. But some lines stood out. The mentioning of "wanting actual friends". Also me saying I have no good features. No good attributes at all. I wanted to cry. I wish someone could have comforted me as a child. She deserved better.

    Now at this moment I cant really say I have many friends. Just one real life friend and I never see her. Two online friends who have wonderful lives of their own full of friends and parties.

    Now my family. I feel screwed over so many times by one of my sisters. And ultimately forgotten by my other. You see my twin is in the navy and she is in Italy right now making a lovely life for herself. I am happy for her! I love her! I just wished she take the time to talk to me on fb when she is on.


    Maybe my life is a big joke to the gods. I dont even want to believe in the christian god. I do believe in Jesus. He was sweet, kind and promised a better time. But on the other hand the christian god is one angry and jealous god. or demiurge. I dont even know what to believe anymore. theres to much confusion and depression in my life.

    I am only a 21 year old girl. But I take as much meds as a 90 year old still living. I am truly sorry for this stupid and nonsensical thread. But I need to vent and have people ACTUALLY read them unlike my blogs.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    WEll I for one am glad you posted here hun so others can see you and reach out to you. I am a twin as well hun she went to army for many years and did not call me either so i know how lonely you must feel without her.
    You do not have to support people hun not when you are so low yourself it is too hard to do so.
    Just know you can pm me anytime okay i will talk to you or just listen even hugs to you
  3. Britt

    Britt Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply. But it seems I cant even reach out for help even on the internet. I have very little people who talk to me. It seems like the only thing that comforts me is drugs. I wish I could find happiness but its just not working.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Britt you need to keep posting okay keep venting letting others know how you are feeling Go into chat make new friends there but don't give up okay hugs to you