Depression is ruining my life

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by JigsawJohn, Sep 11, 2012.

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  1. JigsawJohn

    JigsawJohn Well-Known Member

    I feel tired all the time. I have no energy to even take a short walk or go to the grocery store with my mom. I try to eat healthy and lose some weight (I'm overweight but not obese... yet) and constantly fighting the urges to cut myself. I've been a self injurer since for seven years, but succeeded to stop in May this year, but the urges are still very strong and don't know how much longer I can fight them... I don't see any councelor or doctor of any kind now, cause I've just moved in with my parents again in a different region of the country and it's not been established yet... I don't have a job, no qualifications for any job either and I haven't been to school for over a year. I don't really do anything. But I want so much but as soon as I try something (anything) I just can't do it. I don't have the energy, can't concentrate and don't find anything worthwhile... How do I even get my fat ass off the couch?! I know what I should do, but I'm just so damn broken...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear you hun depression just take everything out of a person I do hope as soon as you can you get that doctors appt ok and get on some meds just to pull you out some of that depression just to give you that boost to help you move forward For now keep talking to us here ok so you know you are not alone hun and people here do understand hugs
     
  3. JigsawJohn

    JigsawJohn Well-Known Member

    Thank you Total eclipse... this forum is a real rock for me. I mostly try to focus on basic survival and stuff, but just end up smoking myself to oblivion but at least here I can vent a little and your kind words might not be a cure but it sure helps get through the worst moments... I wish everyone was nice and understanding outside of cyberspace too.
     
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Depression has definitely ruined my life. Its taken away any drive, ambition, hopes, dreams, etc. Its a very slippery slope. For example, depression will keep me from wanting to go out and meet people, make friends, get a girlfriend, further my education and career, get a better job and earn more money, go out and travel, etc. Then, as my friends, relatives, peers, do and get all these things and I don't, then I want to isolate myself from them and that makes things even worse.

    I just live day by day, pretty much as a zombie. Its been this way for many years now. Depression has taken everything away from me, all it has to do now is take away my very physical life through suicide. :(

    I've only lived this long due to the support of my family. I feel whenever I move out of my parents home and I am truly all alone, then I will finally go ahead and commit suicide. Currently, I am just on "life-support". I am just surviving, not thriving in life like so many people my age are. :(
     
  5. JigsawJohn

    JigsawJohn Well-Known Member

    I've also been depressed for many years now and it's truly taking away everything. Bit by bit. First my hopes and dreams, the ability to find meaning in daily life-things, it effects my memory, unable to really enjoy anything or wanting to be with anyone. Just feeling I drain the energy from others by just existing, that I'm useless if I live and will only hurt people even more if I die.

    I recognise that living on "life-support", it really feels that way. Like everybody around me have just given up on me ever getting better and they don't know what to do. No one ever asks me how I feel anymore, they just don't wanna hear about it. And if I'm feeling better a couple of days, weeks or so it's like they know it's just a phase and I'll be down and suicidal again really soon.

    If everyone have given up on me including myself, then what's the point? I feel like I'm the plague or something...
     
  6. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    do you suffer from insomnia as well as the depression, they are often found together? but i think there are hundreds here who can really empathize. it is a soul destroying issue and i hope you can get through it.

    take care
     
  7. tness

    tness Well-Known Member

    JJ@ I'm also down in that valley now, and everyday is a struggle, but I understand that you are pretty young, you don't see that now, and we people live in the moment, and it how you feel now that is real. My problem now is that I live in the past, and the future, and that's no good. But I really hope that you will see some light soon.
    I see that you are living in Sweden, if you feel for it just PM me.
    It will be better.
     
  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I really can't imagine a disease worse than depression. :(

    I've learned that its mostly those suffering from "traditional" depression who suffer from insomnia and those who suffer from "atypical" depression (which I recently learned I have and didn't know this type even existed), actually suffer from constant fatigue and always wanting to sleep. So that one symptom can be important to see which of these two types of depression you possess.
     
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