Depression is treatable?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Luc, Feb 25, 2007.

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  1. Luc

    Luc New Member

    I see this everywhere. On TV, on the web etc but how? I've been trying to get through by myself for so long but its just not working. I've literally lost the last 3 or so years of my life to depression. I almost never leave the house or even my room except to go to work. When I'm out in public I put up a great front, people have actually asked me how I'm so happy all the time. But I'm not. Im so awfully proud is my problem. I dont want anyone to think Im weak and I dont want to bring anyone else down so I just bottle it up. Its draining though and gradually I've just stopped wanting to be around people because I dont have the energy to be happy. Which makes me more depressed..

    So this is destroying all aspects of my life. I had a girlfriend but she's gone. I dont do near as well at my job as I could because its hard to make myself care. College is the same way.

    I think I've finally bought that it could just be something wrong chemically or psychologically or something and that maybe theres hope but how do you treat it?

    With medication? I have no health insurance and am barely scraping by as it is, which is part of what makes me depressed in the first place. Even than I worry about becoming dependant on a drug even if I could find one that worked and I could afford. And I've read that alot of anti-depressants can cause you to become more depressed. I'm so down now, I dont know If I could take being more depressed.

    Talking to people doesnt work either because frankly, noone cares. Some people may try to listen but ultimately everyone has their own stuff going on and unless you're paying them by the hour, noone wants the burden.

    I even found a suicide hotline and called it just because I wanted to talk to SOMEONE, anyone.. you know? I hung up after several minutes on hold..
    Lol, even on a suicide hotline noone has the time.

    So.. what do you do?
  2. Luc

    Luc New Member

    The weird thing about it all is, I really do like me. I really really do. I try to be nice to everyone, I know I'm smart and good with people. But I feel so alone! It just doesnt seem to be enough that I like me. I want other people to care about me too. And its not like people dont LIKE me, people tell me all the time how "nice" I am, how great a guy I am.. but in the grand scheme of things, I'm just not important to them.

    I want people to not just like me when I'm there, i want people to want to be around me. I want people to miss me when I'm not there. I want to be admired or at least respected. The worst part is, I see the people that are treated this way, and its like they dont even care. I try SO hard to be nice to everyone I meet, but still come up short of people who are complete A-holes to everyone. It's like sure I'm smart and nice, but thats not important to other people, at least among my peers.

    Now if I was rich or really hot, that would get me somewhere. But it just seems like I cant get anywhere with the cards I've been dealt. They're not bad cards, just the wrong ones for this game...

    I dated this girl for 2 years and she was always trying to get inside my head, always trying to get me to tell her what was wrong and I always just made some lighthearted reply and brushed her off. Sometimes I would tell her its ok, I'll figure it out on my own, I dont want to burden someone else with my nonsense. Finally one night she asked at the right time or something and I told her how alone and depressed I felt. I didnt even spill my heart completely for fear of being rejected, I just told her that I felt depressed alot of the time and it was hard to leave my house and be around people sometimes and that I felt really alone. She told me she was there for me and she'd help me through it etc....

    2 days later she broke up with me. She told me that "it wasnt in her best interest to be the one to help me with this kind of stuff." That she shouldnt have to be the one help me. Its so hard for me to trust people, it took me over a year to trust her enough to open up... and the result was exactly what I was so afraid it would be.

    I'm so alone and in so much pain. It feels like part of me is just broken. I dont know if I can ever really be the person I want to be.
  3. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    Sounds all too familiar. That face you put up in public just isn't real anymore. Who knows if it'll ever be real again. I'm sorry I don't have answers for you. I'm really sorry.
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