depression,loss,failure,suicide thoughts

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by WALLY GASKIN, Sep 8, 2016.

  1. WALLY GASKIN

    WALLY GASKIN Well-Known Member

    Im Wally,new here.My Mom,Dad,and wife died two years ago.Im bipolar with depression,bdd,ocd,anxiety.I tried to start over.Got a high stress job that i hated,but got a nice truck,met a beautiful woman,inside and out,and our love was like a movie.Two months ago,she broke off the wedding one day before.I lost my job due to depression,and my truck got repoed.I dont believe in god anymore.I dont understand,im a good man,and everytime I try the best I can,I get knocked back down.I guess we are not suppose to be happy.I have lost everything and live in a room.I am so alone.I enjoy sleep,and my fantasy to disappear.I never dreamed that my only freinds would be on the internet.Since I dont believe in heaven,I guess I will die and not exist anymore.Makes alot of sense doesnt it.Work hard for your goals then die and end up a box of ashes.What does it all mean?My heart goes out to all the stories I have read here.
     
  2. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    I was out of work from Jan 1997 till March 2000. I got addicted to cycling and was able to fight my way to a job in April 2000. I've had difficult relationships with my co-worker bec of my lack of ability to get a long as I acted different than most guys. (i'm gay) I lied, and lied and lied to the point I can't keep track of lies. Jumped from one work location to another and another and back to where I started to being continuously being harassed by management and co-workers (same race) in front of coworkers. So today, I left. They were like, don't let the door hit you in the ass.

    So I'll end up in ashes and back to dust. What does it all mean? Why didn't i just stay down the first time around?

    If you have the ability to look for and experience love.... if I have that in my life, i would love to hang around. Sorry I'm not of much help, and i hope i didn't offend anyone by this post. I'm just trying to help.
     
    MusicalHeart likes this.
  3. WALLY GASKIN

    WALLY GASKIN Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your kind reply.Nothing wrong with being gay,straight, or whatever.Because of my mental problems,I too had a hard time fitting in with people at work.I never fit in either.I think my only fear is getting old and ugly,and being alone.I fear getting old more than death.You are right ,having someone makes a difference between life and death.I still fear death,cause I dont know what will happen.I see we are about the same age,and finding someone and getting jobs is even harder.Im sorry about your bad day,I know that doesnt help much.We just do the best we can to help each other.
     
    electricalanomaly likes this.
  4. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    Thank you for your reply. I wish i had followed my doctors advise from a long time ago, "do no make any major decisions while you are feeling anxious, depressed". I forgot to mention, I am sorry for your loss.
     
    WALLY GASKIN likes this.
  5. WALLY GASKIN

    WALLY GASKIN Well-Known Member

    Thank you,keep in touch,Im new here too.
     
    electricalanomaly likes this.
  6. Lmxoxo

    Lmxoxo Active Member

    Hi W :) Hi E :) I'm semi new here too. And these forums are actually so helpful to me. I hope you find something that will help you here, too ;)
     
    electricalanomaly likes this.
  7. electricalanomaly

    electricalanomaly too sad to say hi.

    Todays my first post, and oh gosh I've posted a lot. I hope people won't hate me for my post. I agree, this site is helpful.thank you to everyone. i apologize for over posting.
     
  8. Lmxoxo

    Lmxoxo Active Member

    No one's going to hate you, E :) I'm going on a post rampage today, too haha. Sometimes, you just have things to say. And that's alright.
     
    WALLY GASKIN likes this.
  9. WALLY GASKIN

    WALLY GASKIN Well-Known Member

    Dear Lmxoxo,Thank you much.Im new and trying to navagate this forum.Like your post.
     
    Lmxoxo likes this.
  10. Lmxoxo

    Lmxoxo Active Member

    Same to you, W ;)
     
    WALLY GASKIN likes this.
  11. WALLY GASKIN

    WALLY GASKIN Well-Known Member

    Hey LMXOXO,WALLY here,how do you feel?
     
  12. Lmxoxo

    Lmxoxo Active Member

    Hey W ;)

    I'm alright. A little disappointed in myself because I ate a wrap today that had a bit of dairy mayo in it. (I've been sticking to a plant based diet, so that kinda annoyed me a little bit)

    But otherwise I'm pretty well. I've been actively reminding myself of the things that are going right in my life, and in the world. I've been, like, writing out lists of things I'm thankful for, which is soooo much more helpful than I thought it would be.

    Omg. I need to stop haha. You just asked how I'm doing! haha. You didn't ask for my life story hahaha.

    My answer is - I'm well. And getting better ;) How are you doing, W?
     
  13. WALLY GASKIN

    WALLY GASKIN Well-Known Member

    Im doing ok.I think that SF is great.It has helped me,more than I thought it would.It makes me realize that a lot of people have problems.It also gives me a purpose,and takes my mind off of my problems.Strange day on the forum.One woman has a mouse in her house,and another guy asked if he could have my trophy points if I die.Sure dude I will leave it in my will.Duh.Hey,thanks for the contact.Im glad you are ok.Please keep in contact.Goodnight Dear,may the force be with you.......
     
    Frances M likes this.
  14. WALLY GASKIN

    WALLY GASKIN Well-Known Member

    Hey LMXOXO,how do you feel?Had to get away from the forum for a few days.I dont know anymore.Sometimes,depression feels like Im at the bottom of a swimming pool,trying to make it to the top so that I can breathe.Does everything seem pointless to you?I know we can have a purpose in life,but the end result makes it seem so meaningless.Hope you are OK.Until next time,Peace and love,and may the force be with you.....