Depression manifests as RAGE

My life sucks. It's not the worst it could be and there are others that have life far worse. That does nothing to change the way I feel.

Mostly depression leads to frustration and that leads to rage. Not just anger but I either kill myself or I'm going to kill someone else rage. I break things, throw things, scream and just need to destroy.

A lot of it is that I'm frustrated with how little control I have over anything. I'm constantly being forced to do things because while I have a choice (you always do), I really can't take the other option because it's just not possible. And when I do make an actual choice it seems to be the wrong one.

It's also from the build up. I've been holding in so much to not make my problems somebody elses, that it's trying to get out.

Seen a doctor. He just looks at me like I'm and idiot and need to suck it up. On Meds for the last month and absolutley no change, not even a minor one.

I'm asked what I want others to do to help but I don't know. I've just run out of ideas. I've lost any drive. I wish they would just lock me up in a facility and that way I don't have to try and be part of this fucked up society.

 

I've been through this kind of rage many times. I've learned to make "I" decisions for myself based on my needs. Cognitive therapy teaches how to do this. I go to a cognitive therapy group where we can talk about our experiences with what is being taught. You may find a therapy like this helpful.

Also, depression meds take 4 to 6 weeks before they start to take effect for most people. On top of that, many people need to try more that one med before they find the one that works for them. This is frustrating, but it's worth the effort to find the one that works for you.

Please continue to post here. It's a very good way to let out anger to help keep it from building up too bad. Many of us keep a diary here, either public or private.

I hope you feel better soon. :hug:

 

Yes I have rage also - but even had it in love - not at her - but rage against the system! Against injustice.

Well - I was working in an office once - they had some old fax machine that annoyed me. One day - I was talking to one of the girls - the machine beeped - so I apologised to the girl and told her I was going to smash the machine up but did not want any splinters or shrapnel to injure her.

"Oh" she said - but knew me well enough to know I was in control.

So I smashed it to Kingdom Come - swore and so on - take that you worthless piece of inadequate office machinery.

Boss nearly had an heart attack - I even requisitioned cash and bought a brand new fantastic fax machine - so shiny and new.

He thought I was insane - so I assured him that if I was I'd have smashed the fax machine on his head. This seemed to worry him even more - he had that 'wary' look in his eye for months after.

All the girls were happy - they had been dying to smash it up.

But its not always a good idea to smash things up. Not things you own or others.

I once threw things into a river - from work - caused a big fuss.

Cannot say too much there!

Main thing is you recognise the rage - so find outlets.

Have a rocky romance for a few weeks - lol.

Do more exercise - I walked a lot - walked the rage away - in fact if you walk long enough and far enough you WILL forget whatever it was that made you sad, mad, bad or whatever.

Be an anarchist - they smash things up - but don't listen to me too much - just pick a few ideas off me and forget the things I'm messing about with.

As for killing someone - don't do that mate - its not nice to kill someone - even if its someone bad - you would feel bad.

And killing yourself - all you got to do is kill some of the rage and balance it - find some love - ir keep that in mind - I mean that is a balance a man needs - we are prone to rage sometimes - naturally so - and have to keep some of it but of course never throw it at women or kids or anyone who does not deserve it.

WE got to manage anger and rage and it can be done.

Not sure if you ever asked for help or even told anyone about this.

I do hope so.

Regards,