Hi, so, to make things short: I guess my life doesn't seem so bad on the outside. I attend an "elite" liberal arts college, I go out some weekends, I'm involved in a few groups on campus. However, I've been laboring under the weight of a crushing depression for my entire life, and it's hitting me especially hard right now. My father was an emotionally abusive bipolar so growing up I had an extremely unstable family dynamic, and my brother inherited his illness so that caused more tension in my family. I can't relate to people my own age and I never really found my niche at my college so I feel like I have no friends (I have a handful of close friends but almost none are in my grade). Also this year my social anxiety has gotten really bad (I was outgoing freshman year, but not anymore). I just feel like I'm tired of waking up unhappy. I've never really woken up happy, or known what it's like to truly be happy, since I was a young child. I was chronically depressed since 5th grade on and had eating disorders and all. Even when I'm happy and with people who make me happy it's fleeting, eventually I return to my default state, depressed. Everyone else is having so much fun here at college and can relate to people their own age and I feel like I have so much to deal with all the time. I'm just sort of done. I think about ending my life a lot. I don't know. What do people think?