Depression, need advice?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ssteinman, Feb 15, 2015.

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  1. ssteinman

    ssteinman New Member

    Hi, so, to make things short: I guess my life doesn't seem so bad on the outside. I attend an "elite" liberal arts college, I go out some weekends, I'm involved in a few groups on campus.

    However, I've been laboring under the weight of a crushing depression for my entire life, and it's hitting me especially hard right now. My father was an emotionally abusive bipolar so growing up I had an extremely unstable family dynamic, and my brother inherited his illness so that caused more tension in my family.

    I can't relate to people my own age and I never really found my niche at my college so I feel like I have no friends (I have a handful of close friends but almost none are in my grade). Also this year my social anxiety has gotten really bad (I was outgoing freshman year, but not anymore).

    I just feel like I'm tired of waking up unhappy. I've never really woken up happy, or known what it's like to truly be happy, since I was a young child. I was chronically depressed since 5th grade on and had eating disorders and all. Even when I'm happy and with people who make me happy it's fleeting, eventually I return to my default state, depressed.

    Everyone else is having so much fun here at college and can relate to people their own age and I feel like I have so much to deal with all the time. I'm just sort of done. I think about ending my life a lot. I don't know. What do people think?
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, welcome to the forum. Yes, you are down in the morning but need to get yourself an organised timetable.

    Problem with college you tend to find yourself trying to fit with the in-crowd. There is nothing wrong with being quiet and studying.

    I recommend you go and speak to a school consellor as it should be discussed in the strictest confidence. Depression can be coped with medication as well. Keep to a regular routine and the bad times are usually when you are on your own. If you.have thoughts about self-harming then use an elastic band and pull it when you feel down. The sting will help you.

    The important thing you have recognised that you have depression and its the first step to recovery. Depression is hard to cope with but only the people who have through it understand you.

    Keep posting as you will find alot of support here. Be safe and take care.
  3. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member


    I think sometimes we have everything to be happy and we should ... but we don't because we don't find out how to enjoy what we have and how to be in our life to experience that happiness.
    I also think you might need to start with medication. Then it's a long way to get into your life to be able to really live and feel happiness.
    You're not alone, you have this place and you have your friends.
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