Depression Over a Memory?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Marissa, Jan 26, 2009.

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  1. Marissa

    Marissa Well-Known Member

    Since February 2008 I've been very depressed about this memory I have.. This is REALLY hard to talk about..... I really hope this makes sense. I've never shared it with anyone until now....

    One day when I was 6 or 7, it was time for me to take a bath so I took off my clothes and started walking to the bath, and I remember looking back and seeing my mom staring really hard at my body, like she look dazed or something.... So I said "Mom??" and she snapped out of it.... And I remember being SO worried about it as I was bathing, thinking about how creepy it was..... Omg. But I eventually pushed it out of my mind.

    Over the years (I'm 16 now) the memory would come back to haunt me occasionally and I would push it out of my mind again, but in Feb. 2008 it came back again and this was like, "Maybe I shouldn't forget about this..... Maybe it's not right to push it out of mind.... Should I hate my mom? Should I talk to someone about it? Should I forget it???? Maybe it's not that serious....What if that didn't even happen?"

    I was SO confused. And I still am confused..... I mean, if really looked at me like that, then that's horrible but at the same time, I love my mom and I don't know what to do because my mom is the nicest mom ever and it's SOO depressing to think that she may have done something like that.

    I've just been so depressed. I cry almost everyday about it because I don't know to think or do.

    I can't believe I'm sharing this. I don't know what kind of responses I expect.... But I had to get this out, I think, because it's killing me. Thanks for listening....
  2. Rachel123

    Rachel123 Well-Known Member

    You were young..... I doubt she was meaning to look at you in a creepy way or anything. Maybe she was just deep in thought..... You knwo how you get that way...And you're staring...But not actually looking at anything?
    I hope it's nothing to worry about :)
  3. Rebmeced

    Rebmeced New Member

    I highly doubt she was looking at you in "that" way. She's a mother, she was probably just admiring you. I think it's 100% normal, and it's nothing to be worried about :)
  4. the fleet asleep

    the fleet asleep Well-Known Member

    who knows exactly what was going on in your mother's head when that happened, but remember that we often subconciously exaggerate our memories from that age as a means of making heads or tails of it later on.

    i can understand your feelings on this though. when something creeps me out, it often ruins things related to it permanently. i get creeped to the bone around 70s style furniture because a creepy freind of my fathers had a white trash 70s style living room.

    i dont know what life would be like for me if my mother had ever creeped me out in that sense, so i wont pretend to understand your pain. i wont trivialize it either, though, because whether or not your mother had anything malicious on the mind, its that association with creepiness thats the real issue. even if you knew for sure she wasnt, youd still have that association.

    all i can really say is that you have to at least try to work through it. ive spent many years trying to get over these associations with creepiness, and i still avoid many things/people/places/atmospheres because they creep me on a psychological level. the more i fight them though, the more i recognize that theyre irrational. im yet to fully get over any of them, but i feel im much better off than i would be if i never confronted them at all.

    its hard, and it will be for a long time, but if you let it take control of you, its going to do just that. i, as well as many people here, always have an open ear if you feel like youre having a rough time of it. in the meantime, dont let it get the best of you
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